Spanking [Merged]

[uptowngirl]

Do you agree with this saying? Napalo na ba kayo nung bata pa kayo?

Ako twice ata. Yung isa kasi nawala ko yung eyeglasses ko, kinder. Tapos yung pangalawa, sinagot ko ata yung mom ko... napalo tuloy ako!

[Ada]

The most memorable spank I got as a kid was when we [my brothers and I] laughed during one of our before-meal prayers. My dad spanked us with one of his slippers and I shed bucketfuls of tears afterwards. In retrospect, I'm glad my dad spanked me that day. It was a lesson I never forgot.

I don't think that spanking is a bad thing as long as the child knows what the reason is behind it. After spanking a child, tell him what he did wrong and why he deserved it. This way, the child sees spanking not as punishment but as a corrective measure given out of love and concern.

Spoil the child? No way. You'd be doing him more harm than good.

[Ira]

In the early ages of the child (I'm not talking infancy here), a slap on the wrist or a light spank on the butt always coupled with a very stern "no! it's bad!" and an explanation is warranted. Children at a very young age cannot understand yet the effects of a bad deed--parents should teach the child to associate scolding with spanking. That way, when the child grows older, a mere stern warning would be enough to stop his misdeeds, because he has learned to associate a "no" with something bad.

[clone]

This may be one of the rare occasions when I may respectfully differ with Ira.

I do not believe in spanking. What a grown up may perceive as a "light" spank, might be strong enough to cause injuries to the tender body of a child. It is even more dangerous if the adult spanks in anger or during a rush of adrenaline. We tend to underestimate our strength during those moments of high stress.

This is not to say that the child should not be disciplined. This I strongly believe in.

Just my opinion. It's possible that a lot of you may not agree with it.

[NewtoN]

Naku!....marami-rami 'yan:

with bare hand...dami!
with a belt...once.
with a stick...several times.
with slippers...medyo marami din.

...pero hindi naman ako abused...makulit lang talaga ako noon.

[Ada]

clone: Are you saying then that a stern "No!" and a glare will suffice?

[clawed_out]

lol @ newton!

isama mo pa dyan yung mga kitchen utensils ni mommy! & basta kahit anong maabot at maipangbabato/hampas/hambalos!

no i dont think you should spoil the child....the perfect word here is communicate/discipline

[jepoy]

I remember my mom chasing my behind with a bakya once.. and darn, was her aim terrible.

[bLuHeAvN]

di pa ako napapalo kahit tanong nyo pa kay ate uptown...
pero purga na ako sa sigaw

[clone]

Ada:

No, it is not always necessary to glare at a child for your message to be received.

*Trying hard to remember my psychology class*

In my opinion, it depends on the age of the child. If they are too young to understand, a firm NO! and removing them physically from your source of irritation or anger (like a short time-out) may be needed.

If you can reason with the child, you must also explain why you disapprove of a particular behavior. For repeat offenses of similar nature, an appropriate punishment could include time outs, standing in a corner for a short period, or even loss of certain privileges (depending on the child's age and severity of the infraction).

Corporal punishment will only show the child that it is OK to use violence to get what you want.

Ang daling sabihin pero mahirap sigurong gawin if the parent is upset. Maybe I'll find out when that time comes. :)

[Reflection]

With me naman, walang spanking but plenty of kurot ang inabot ko kasi makulit din ako. Aba masakit din yun ah. I still don't consider myself to have been abused. I think my parents cared that I learn the right things.

[Lo Lo]

Tumingin lang kayo sa paligid at makikita ninyo yung mga kabataan na laki sa layaw at kulang sa gulpi ng magulang kaya ayun lumaki ng sobra ang kabastusan.

Hindi nagbibiro lang ako. Hindi naman dapat gulpihin ang bata pero dapat idisiplina bago sumama ang ugali.

[Moiraine]

I've never been spanked or shouted at by my parents (bait ko kasi), but I do believe in this saying. Corporal punishment isn't bad, cases is the US where kids sue their parents for spanking is just absurd. I do believe though that parents should not go overboard; there is a big difference between spanking children to discipline them and beating/abusing them.

[bLaCk]

i was never spanked, but i have to admit i was spoiled... being an only child and grandchild... i guess...

pero by the time i started college, deins na nila ako spino-spoil... at first it got into me... na i felt like i was being taken for granted(call it mababaw, it's true). but then i realized, what they are doing was right... what they did made me sobrang independent.. and i like it just like it is....

when i get to have children, i would try not to spank them.... i'd rather talk and listen... and understand them... it would only hurt me if i hit children.....

i guess, i wouldn't spoil them too.. because i want them to know how hard it is to get something... and i want them to realize that we can never always get what we want....


peace out...

[ParuParo]

In early childhood, punishment only promotes momentary compliance, not lasting changes in behavior. I'd rather use time outs, one minute for each child's age. Say if the child is 3 years old, his time out will be three minutes long. I remember being spanked as a child and eventhough it wasn't that terrible, I still hated it. There's also a study done that adults who were spanked when they were young are NOT more disciplined than those who were not spanked.



[This message has been edited by ParuParo (edited 03-05-2000).]

[bugsbunny]

well ako admittedly lagi akong napapalo nung bata ako kaya ganito ako ngayon eh, may manners. alam ko ang tama at mali. :)
never spoil a child, you can spoil the kid once in awhile but never all the time...
yung pamangkin ko ngayon, he's always being spoiled by his lolo and lola, my parents, and and ang nangyayari, kami ang laging magkaaway kasi ako yung laging nagdidisiplina sa bata. nagagalit nga mommy ko sa akin dahil lagi ko daw inaaway. siyempre dapat habang bata pa inaalagaan mo na yung magiging ugali niya paglaki di ba? :)

[uptowngirl]

Ada: :) I can't imagine Sir spanking you that day! hehehe! parang ang bait na Dad si Sir ah! :)

[Ada]

uptowngirl: My dad rarely spanked us (it was my mom's job to do that ;)) so when he did, you can be sure we committed a major offense. Actually, that's the only time I remember him spanking us.

clone: Time-outs sound effective; too bad they weren't uso with my parents back then. <;g>; I guess we'll know what kind of discipline is best when we have kids of our own. What may work for me may not work for you. :)

[bunny]

Hay grabe ilang beses na ako napalo nung kid ako...pati belt nadaanan ko na yan...i remember feeling so sorry for myself kasi namamantal na yung thighs ko...but now i realize that all of it paid off naman eh...I believe in the saying, "spare the rod, spoil the child"...pero wag naman to the extent na parang binubugbog mo na kid mo.

Pero sa tingin ko, when i have kids of my own na, hindi ko sila kayang paluin, sigawan siguro pwede pa, pero to actually hurt them physically, hindi ko ata kaya.

[Ice Burn]

My mother must've hit me for God knows how many times! Grabe...She has a terrible temper. Kung tutuusin, she'd hit me now if she still could. Kaso, she knows how fast my reflexes are (thanks to Taekwondo). Anyway, there was a time when I got smacked w/ a belt. My baby brother fell of his stroller and I was blamed for not putting the seatbelt...Sheesh, I was 7 years old and she blamed me for the damn seatbelt?

Ngayon she doesn't even try to discipline my youngest brother. In fact, I'm the one who hits him kasi my mom won't do anything about her precious unico iho which in turn is futile cause he'll just run to my mother to make up a story that I hit him for no reason. Sheesh! As a result, the 12 yr old twerp is a goddamned spoiled brat. He's lazy, hits the maids, never does any chores tapos gets away with anything. NOW THAT IS A RESULT OF A CHILD THAT WASN'T SPANKED BY THE PARENTS!!!

Anyway, i don't mind spanking. But I do not believe in excessive spanking as what used to be done to me. I see super spoiled kids and I really wish I could spank some sense into them. Lalo na when I got to Tagaytay Highlands. I see all these spoiled brats answering back to their parents, hitting their yayas. Tapos their wishy-washy parents don't do anything. Yung iba, pagsasabihan nga pero di naman sila pinapakinggan nung bata.

So how exactly do you discipline a kid w/o spanking? Since we're on a psychology kick here, there's what we call operant conditioning. The reward and punishment system. By punishing them towards where it hurts, ceases the naughty behavior. If you tell them to cut it out, what will convince them not to do it again? The kids in the States aren't being spanked anymore. It's child abuse in the States if you spank a kid. So what's happening to a lot of them? They are turning out to be undisciplined, self-centered troublemakers just cause their parents can't seem to discipline them.

[kurnel]

Just curious. What do people think about spanking their children as a form of punishment?

[Chesca84]

my mother's never risen a finger against me and my father is not around much to have the strenght to get into heated arguments with us that might lead to it . But there have been occasions ( back when i was smaller and tinier than my mother ) where she did slap me , nothing more . I don't think of it as wrong . However , spanking as a form of punishment is not as effective as people in the ancient eras where the using of the belt by graying fathers was thought of as just , might have believed . I still hear stories of my grandmother or grandfather unventing their anger in such manner towards my father and mother .
I think that kids don't particularly learn the lesson because they are punished in such a harsh way . If nothing , they come to fear the parent more ( which doesn't necessarily mean respect ) . Talking it over and pointing out the greater truth of the matter is bound to obtain a much bigger effect . Hitting the kid in hope he won't repeat the mistake is a mistake in itself , because all he learns is that he did something wrong , but the reason why it is so is not understood due to the lack of communication .

[kurnel]

hmm, mixing the 2 ways (talking and spanking) is probably the best of both worlds. That's what my parents did with me and I'm thankful for it...

[j&g]

Originally posted by kurnel
hmm, mixing the 2 ways (talking and spanking) is probably the best of both worlds. That's what my parents did with me and I'm thankful for it...

same here!:)

[Hot Pants]

i don't really approve of the practice. it will make your children be obsessive compulsive in the future which i turn could mess up their lives in a sort of way. parents should let their children figure things out for themselves and not dictate what they want for them out of life. the parents are only there to support and guide them. hurting the child is too much an extreme form of guide.

in the united states, a child could go to the police authorities if they were spanked by their parents. the child could file a case against their parents believe it or not. i don't know if it could be done here.

:goon:

[pattymigs]

i don't think i'm going to spank my kids. ayoko. that's what my mom did and i liked it better than how my dad did it... yun namamalo talaga! naninipa pa nga eh! as in gulpi ka pag galit talaga! pero yung kapatid ko yun and boy sya. ako, palo galore!

there was this one time when i was in nursery, di ako nakapasok kasi i had big red welts all over my arms and hands from my dad's bamboo stick meron din ako sa butt and i had to lie in bed all day kasi i could hardly move! ang sakit!

and i still remember to this day.

my lola din, ganon. namamalo. and now we're still distant. ewan ko, ha, pero ganon. parang i resented it kasi she's not my parent. and up to now, i still feel some resentment. at di pa marunong magsorry yun, ha! ARRRRGH talaga.

punish them, don't spank them.

and i know this is way off-topic but I WILL NOT CALL MY KIDS NAMES LIKE STUPID OR ***** OR WHATEVER. and I WILL NOT COMPARE THEM din. lola ko rin yan! and I WON'T MAKE THEM FEEL STUPID OR INADEQUATE... like my dad does minsan.

[m'saia]

it all boils down to respect. it also depends on your relationship with your child. as a single mother, i've been blessed with an angel. i never spanked her and i don't think i ever will. she knows her boundaries and she respects me as a parent and as her bestfriend (eventhough she's only 4). we hang out a lot. everyone says that she is well behaved and has really good manners. if she even thinks of doing something that she knows she's not supposed to do, she just looks at me and all i have to do is give her THE look and she understands.
i think that i treat her this way because of my experience as a child. i so can relate to pattymigs experience but not the not being able to go to school because of the welts. there was a lot of a$$ beatin when i was younger, a lot of kneeling in front of the altar (like that solved anything), and a lot of name callings. because of this experience, my mom and i aren't "close". she wants me to be afraid of her to have that instilled "fear" in me when it comes to her. I definitely don't want to raise my child with that kind of feeling because it is emotionally stressful.
to answer your question, i don't think it works as a form of punishment. there should be a solid parent-child relationship and i bet you a parent won't have any problems.

[BabyFATS]

I'm single and I don't have children yet.
I don't think I'm going to have any in the next 5 years either. (but who knows?)
I do have nieces and nephews though, and I can't recall ever spanking them for any misbehaviour or whatever. I have this belief kasi na kung hindi ikaw ang nagpapakain sa kanila, you don't have the right to hit or hurt them. I'm not the type to spank, I think... but those aren't my kids. Baka magbago yon pag own kids ko na. :eek:

Meanwhile, naiinis ako dito sa kapitbahay namin (the mother) kasi lagi niyang sinisigawan at pinapalo ang mga kids nya. I know it's probably her way of disciplining them but I can also feel na she's taking out her frustrations or stress on those poor kids. And what's disgusting about it is that her kids are still so undisciplined. :angry:

Grrr... :grrr:

[Hot Pants]

the parents would always say: "we do this because we love you!" :mad: i hate that! i hate it when the parents make that as an excuse to hurt their children. children are children... and they make mistakes. parents just need to guide them but they musn't teach "all that is right and wrong" to them. parents say "don't do this", "don't do that". because of that, the kid will find it hard to express themselves... to have autonomy and will have a hard time taking control of his/her life when he/she grows up.

by far, i think 90% of parents today are obsessive compulsive by nature. we can't blame them though. our grandfathers and grandmothers were way too strict to them when they were also kids. i remember when my dad told me his story when he was a kid. i won't dwelve into that any longer though.

so now i think we should learn from their mistakes. there should be an ad in the television about this matter so that the parents will think twice before hurting their children. it should fall under the case of child abuse.

:goon:

[kartoonista]

Just explain to them why they are being punished and afterwards comfort them and assure them that you still love them. :D

[xyzseaman]

I spank my 2 brothers if they did something wrong....then kinakausap ko sila para malaman nilang mali iyon....I grew up the old fashioned way...but what I do to them pales in comparison on how I was raised by my Mom..

[Bostsip]

In the Filipino culture spanking one's children is quite acceptable because it is viewed as a way of
discipline. Trouble with us pinoys, we erroneously equate discipline with physical contact. This
is why some parents accused of Child Abuse give crappy reasons such as "dinidisiplina ko
lang siya!"

There are other ways of teaching children a lesson. Children are not as innocent as we thought,
they could understand you.For me it's always best to negotiate with them..and this is
usually the best strategy. Use Logical Consequence. After commiting a wrong doing, let
them see for themselves their mistake and then let them accept the consequence of whatever it is
that they did. Children can think on their own. YOU DON"t need physical abuse..

[BadGiRL]

Originally posted by Bostsip

Children can think on their own. YOU DON"t need physical abuse..


Agree! A million and one percent!!!!!

[DELISYUS]

when you spank your kids, does it necessarily mean you are subjecting them to abuse???

[BabyFATS]

Maybe in this case "abuse" means having to impose something which is unnecessary.

Kung pwede mo nga namang daanin sa diplomasya, baket mo pa kakailanganing manakit? :angel:

[ciela]

ive done research abt spanking children, parents..even teachers spanks the children and yes its a form of child abuse there are many ways we can rear children the right way without even spanking them or shouting at them. if we spank children, it would affect them not only physiically but also mentally and emotionally so when i become a parent i will surely not spank my children..
:):):)

[Wicca]

I don't believe in punishing children physically. Spanking can be very traumatic for a child, and in the future, the child may hold a grudge against you for doing this. When a child makes a mistake, a parent should discipline the child in such a way that there is still respect involved. Its better to just talk to the child. Contrary to what other adults think, children can in fact understand what you tell them. I would never put any of my kids through something like that.

[KiTTY2babe]

Child abuse...

http://www.gigahosts.com/~c1003/aimicons/icons/Submitted/caticon.gif

[SprungMonkey]

Not good. especially with children between the ages of 2-4. I know kids between the ages of 2-4 years old are quite a handful sometimes. I have a 3 year old daughter and a nephew who is about the same age so i know how easy it is to lose your patience at times, but this is also the age group when kids mimic everything that their parents do. what happens when you spank your kid everytime he or she does something that upsets you is that it gives him or her an idea that it's okay to hit somebody when youre upset. consider the consequences when your kid starts going to school and be around other children everyday.

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Alam nyo kasi kakabasa ko lang ng mga things to remember sa Canada, and one of the things na nakasulat doon ay hindi maaring saktan ang inyong anak, whether it be hysical, emotional, o sexual... Nakalagay din don na taking care of your child is not a moral issue, it is the law. :no:

Well, actually hindi ko pinapalo ang anak ko... kasi I find it awkward na paluin mo, saktan mo tapos sasabihin mo na ni rerespeto mo sya at mahal mo sya. Sa murang isip kasi ng mga bata, hindi nila maiintindihan na pagmamahal yun pag pinapalo sila if they do something wrong. Ang sa akin, mas gusto ko pa na medyo firm ang voice ko whenever I see that she did something wrong or intentionally did something wrong. Pero kung nagkamali lang (human error), hindi ako nagagalit ng ganun-ganon lang. Actually, nakikinig naman ang bata at nagtatanda lalo na pag kinakausap mo at consistent ka sa behavior mo. :flwrface:

So far naman, lumalaki namang well-rounded ang anak ko. Hindi rin sya natatakot mag express ng emotions nya at magtanong sakaling may gusto syang malaman.

Hindi ko naman sinasabing mali talaga ang pagpalo sa anak. Pero kung kayo ang tatanungin, mas gusto nyo ba na pinapalo ang bata para magtanda o hindi? Why or why not?

[bepanthene]

Originally posted by Fairy_nd_meadow
Alam nyo kasi kakabasa ko lang ng mga things to remember sa Canada, and one of the things na nakasulat doon ay hindi maaring saktan ang inyong anak, whether it be hysical, emotional, o sexual... Nakalagay din don na taking care of your child is not a moral issue, it is the law. :no:

Well, actually hindi ko pinapalo ang anak ko... kasi I find it awkward na paluin mo, saktan mo tapos sasabihin mo na ni rerespeto mo sya at mahal mo sya. Sa murang isip kasi ng mga bata, hindi nila maiintindihan na pagmamahal yun pag pinapalo sila if they do something wrong. Ang sa akin, mas gusto ko pa na medyo firm ang voice ko whenever I see that she did something wrong or intentionally did something wrong. Pero kung nagkamali lang (human error), hindi ako nagagalit ng ganun-ganon lang. Actually, nakikinig naman ang bata at nagtatanda lalo na pag kinakausap mo at consistent ka sa behavior mo. :flwrface:

So far naman, lumalaki namang well-rounded ang anak ko. Hindi rin sya natatakot mag express ng emotions nya at magtanong sakaling may gusto syang malaman.

Hindi ko naman sinasabing mali talaga ang pagpalo sa anak. Pero kung kayo ang tatanungin, mas gusto nyo ba na pinapalo ang bata para magtanda o hindi? Why or why not?

I wish you were my mom :D I got brutally spanked whenever I did anything wrong (intentional or not) when I was younger. What you're doing is right. Because of my parents' parenting style, I have alienated myself from them over the years. To answer your question, no, I wouldn't spank my kids since I don't want them to feel the same way I do towards my parents. Your daughter's very lucky to have you :)

[kartoonista]

I will still spank my kids if need be. Don't get me wrong, I know how it is to grow up with a lot of beatings. A firm tone is fine for babies and kids up to maybe 5 years of age. But after that I think they would be able to know why dear 'ol Daddy's spanking their behind with his hand. And I don't believe in unnecessary spanking and embarrassment in public.

I will explain to my son or daughter why I'm doing it but that doesn't mean that I'm loving them less for what they did. In the end I'll just let the punishment fit the crime. :wink:

[con12]

oo pero wag *** sobra at dapat nasa lugar :)

[terry ilaes]

spanking out of anger is not recommened. issues raised by kartoonista such as public embarassement (or physical abuse)may traumatize the child. the trauma might lead the child to hide the undesired behaviour which will later on show itself anyway and even teach your child hate... hate for their own parents but authority has to manifest itself in order to reinforce a desired behaviour. a little spanking on their couchy bums during childhood (preferably between the ages of 4 to 10) would do.

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Originally posted by terry ilaes
authority has to manifest itself in order to reinforce a desired behaviour. a little spanking on their couchy bums during childhood (preferably between the ages of 4 to 10) would do. however spanking out of anger is not recommened. issues raised by kartoonista such as public embarassement (or physical abuse)may traumatize the child. the trauma might lead the child to hide the undesired behaviour which will later on show itself anyway and even teach your child hate... hate for their own parents.

Yup.... I agree that public embarassment shouldn't be done, it's a form of mental and emotional abuse, which may be far worse than physical abuse since it will manifest itself psychologically. But manifestation of authority can be in different forms... yes it can be physical but it can also be in the form of positive reinforcements. ;)

Thanks terry ilaes and kartoonista for your insights!!! :handsdown:

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Originally posted by con12
oo pero wag *** sobra at dapat nasa lugar :)

Hi con12!

Lahat daw ng sobra ay masama.... *okay*

[terry ilaes]

think of raising your voice like smoke coming out of a fire. it serves as immediate sign of danger. now if i reinforce my spanking with raising my voice then i won't have to do the spanking right?

well, it did work for me and my bro. my bro even put a piece of cardboard in his pants cause he already knew that a spanking was heading right for him. needless to say my brother was conditionned for such situations. :D

[k8_d_qt_chix]

for me ... hindi!!!

... kc mag-stay yan sa isip ng bata eh ... it will have a psychological effect on them ... me kc never akong pinalo or sinaktan ng mom ko ...

... pagpinalo mo ang bata ... hindi lang **** physical yan eh ... my emotional effect din yan sa bata ...


... bata will always be bata ... malikot **** yan ... makulit ... so y will you be depriving him of his childhood by spanking him??

[benyaki]

hindi... naniniwala akong ang bata kahit teenager e mas magiging efficient kapag sinabihan mo lang... like a friend... kapag dinaan mo sa dahas, maaaring magkaroon ng hatred sa mgulang hanggang sa tumanda... :silly:

[rains_delight]

Altough wala pa akong anak, yung mga pamangkin ko kinakausap ko kapag may ginawa silang hindi maganda. That way, naiintindihan ng bata na mali siya. Pag pinalo kasi ang bata, hatred ang matatanim sa isip nila.
:no:

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Originally posted by k8_d_qt_chix
for me ... hindi!!!

... kc mag-stay yan sa isip ng bata eh ... it will have a psychological effect on them ... me kc never akong pinalo or sinaktan ng mom ko ...

... pagpinalo mo ang bata ... hindi lang **** physical yan eh ... my emotional effect din yan sa bata ...


... bata will always be bata ... malikot **** yan ... makulit ... so y will you be depriving him of his childhood by spanking him??

Right u r... bata will always be bata di ba? Iba naman kasi yung magagalit ang magulang just because malikot or makulit.... But there are instances that the child needs to know that his/her behavior is undesirable... like if she's being maldita na or if she is not telling the truth for reasons which are not socially acceptable... or if she intentionally hurts others... pag ganon na yung case, instead of her growing up to be selfish, I tell her it's wrong and I let her see the consequences of her actions. I reason with her and if I can I'd appeal to her own emotions by letting her realize how much hurt she has caused others. para hindi sya lumaking "pain in the A**", so to speak.... para she can be a blessing to others.

Hindi rin kasi nakakatuwa if a child grows up to be selfish di ba? ;)

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Originally posted by benyaki
hindi... naniniwala akong ang bata kahit teenager e mas magiging efficient kapag sinabihan mo lang... like a friend... kapag dinaan mo sa dahas, maaaring magkaroon ng hatred sa mgulang hanggang sa tumanda... :silly:

Hi there benyaki! How I wish nga I was more a friend to my mom b4. Pero sa daughter ko ngayon, I try to be one. Syempre kahit na ano pang gawin mo, iba pa rin yung talagang peers ng anak pero at least I try to be a "cool" mom... hehehehe :beam:

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Originally posted by rains_delight
Altough wala pa akong anak, yung mga pamangkin ko kinakausap ko kapag may ginawa silang hindi maganda. That way, naiintindihan ng bata na mali siya. Pag pinalo kasi ang bata, hatred ang matatanim sa isip nila.
:no:

Onga eh. Mahirap pa naman if here is hatred within a child.... baka magkaron pa ng heart ailment kung kinikimkim... and maganda sa bata yung laging naka smile at maganda ang outlook in life...!!!! :sunnysmile:

[Fish]

• Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves.

• In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs.

• Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way.

• Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us.

• Many parents never learned in their own childhood that there are positive ways of relating to children. When punishment does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the parent is unaware of alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent and dangerous actions against the child.

• Physical punishment gives the dangerous and unfair message that "might makes right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are.

• Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems.

*When you do spank a child, you have the obligation to tell the child exactly why he was spanked. And the most important thing during follow-up time is physical contact. Hold your child and talk to him or her about your feelings. Explain why you were upset. Explain what made you angry and why it was necessary to spank. And explain what you expect from your child in the future by way of behavior.*

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Originally posted by Fish
• Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves.

• In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs.

• Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way.

• Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us.

• Many parents never learned in their own childhood that there are positive ways of relating to children. When punishment does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the parent is unaware of alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent and dangerous actions against the child.

• Physical punishment gives the dangerous and unfair message that "might makes right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are.

• Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems.

*When you do spank a child, you have the obligation to tell the child exactly why he was spanked. And the most important thing during follow-up time is physical contact. Hold your child and talk to him or her about your feelings. Explain why you were upset. Explain what made you angry and why it was necessary to spank. And explain what you expect from your child in the future by way of behavior.*


VERY ENLIGHTENING... INDEED! Thanks a lot! ;)

[CaRaMBa]

I would spank my kid but it would only be a 'token spank', errrr, if there is such a thing. A light spank on the hand, or his behind - a spank that won't really hurt. The 'spank' will only be a symbol that what the kid did was wrong.

Yep, very enlightening post, Fish.

[Fish]

Originally posted by Fairy_nd_meadow

VERY ENLIGHTENING... INDEED! ;)

Originally posted by CaRaMBa

Yep, very enlightening post, Fish.

Thank you.

[cutie_conie16]

hindi naman tama ang saktan ang bata wenever n nagkakamali siya... ksi dat way hindi naman natuturuan ang bata ng tama.. instead nabibigyan lang sila ng reason para magrebelde sa mga parents nila. ;)

[powerpuff]

i dont think so. kaya naman daanin sa matinong pag uusap yon. kasi like ako, never kao pinalo ng parents ko n i can say na lumaki naman akong tama. kasi kawawa ren kung papaluin mga bata. they wouldnt trust u if u do dat chaka lalayo loob nila. :)

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Heycutie_cronie and powerpuff!

Glad to hear your parents brought you up well... :)

[dee-dee]

nope. i did experience the rod...but my parents always talk to me afterwards. and then they hit upon the idea of doing extra household chores, allowance and other stuff to discipline us. for one thing, i remembered i was never afraid of being spanked (thank goodness, yun lang!) but whenever my father would talk to me in a very gentle voice (instead of raising his voice) about my misdeeds. dun lang ako umiiyak. i don't know, pero it hurts because you know in some way or another you've hurt your parents too.

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Originally posted by dee-dee
nope. i did experience the rod...but my parents always talk to me afterwards. and then they hit upon the idea of doing extra household chores, allowance and other stuff to discipline us. for one thing, i remembered i was never afraid of being spanked (thank goodness, yun lang!) but whenever my father would talk to me in a very gentle voice (instead of raising his voice) about my misdeeds. dun lang ako umiiyak. i don't know, pero it hurts because you know in some way or another you've hurt your parents too.

Glad you brought that one up... yung tungkol sa getting hurt because your parents are hurt in one way or the other... Pareho tayo, I feel more pain in knowing that my parents were hurt by my misdeeds, kaya naman madali rin akong magtanda.... :)

[Marherliani]

i wouldn't resort to spanking i guess. mas maganda siguro na pagsabihan na lang ang bata. confront the child and make sure that he/she understands kung ano ang pagkakamali nya. make sure na lang din na magtatanda sya para whatever had happened ay di na mauulit pa.

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Originally posted by Marherliani
i wouldn't resort to spanking i guess. mas maganda siguro na pagsabihan na lang ang bata. confront the child and make sure that he/she understands kung ano ang pagkakamali nya. make sure na lang din na magtatanda sya para whatever had happened ay di na mauulit pa.

Personally na-experience ko na na laging kakausapin na lang ang bata para magtanda... and nakikita ko ang fruits nito... Mas nagiging mature ang bata, mas nagiging responsible sa mga actions nya. I think that if you treat the child as a responsible human being, he/she would start to act like one... kaya tama rin na kakausapin na lang ang make him/her understand why her actions were "wrong"....

[season]

Originally posted by Fish
• Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves.

...

*When you do spank a child, you have the obligation to tell the child exactly why he was spanked. And the most important thing during follow-up time is physical contact. Hold your child and talk to him or her about your feelings. Explain why you were upset. Explain what made you angry and why it was necessary to spank. And explain what you expect from your child in the future by way of behavior.*

Hi, Fish...my sentiments exactly, which is why I do not plan to spank my little boy. Are you a psychologist or something---or did you just copy this from a website? :)

[keener]

tama si fish

nung bata ako, pinapalo ako. As in sobrang daming latay sa katawan.

Now that im older, pag galit ako, I tend to physically hit the person kasi parang na instill na sa utak ko ang manakit.:(

kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko, di ko papaluin anak ko kasi habang buhay ang effect nun sa kanila.

[ReLaTiViTy]

i am against pagpapalo sa bata. kids are just kids. i don't think you can earn their respect if you don't learn to respect them and their rights. nobody has the right hurt another person.
besides, it hink taking to tell will instill in them to respect you more kse nde mo dinaan sa init nga ulo mo yung situation

[Chickity-Chynna]

i don't know yet. i was spanked (by my parents) when i was a kid but rarely. kamay lang pinang-papalo at hindi naman malakas.

mas madalas nga ako paluin ng teacher ko kasi maingay daw ako. sha ang grabe! pinapapili pa nga kami ng stick. kababae ko ngang tao, na pingot ako, napalo sa ****, na hampas sa kamay ng stick. sana isang beses lang, pero madalas. the teacher would always assign one student to list down the "noisy" students. and when he/she lists your name and puts a (10 x) beside it, that means 10x ka papaluin. i remember that some of my classmates got 20x at nagmamakaawa sila sa classmate namin na bawasan yung number.

sheeeshhh!



but i turned out fine, i think...hehehehehe.

[ibarramedia]

This is a touchy issue, so The first thing I have to say is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and some may disagree with what I have to say. Now having said that, Where I live, hitting a child is against the law. Anyone can be arrested and charged with child abuse or neglect depending on what the situation is. This is serious enough that parents may lose custody of their kids to child services and be sent to foster homes. I won't hit my child because I believe that this will traumatize the child and as some people pointed out, condition the child to hate. I say this from my own personal experience and from case studies I have read about in college. Violence begets violence.

There are other ways of "disciplining" a child without hurting them physically, emotionally, psychologically and mentally. Some people employ a time out chair where a child "cools off" before resuming current activity. Others use active listening. It kind of goes something like this:

Johnny: Tommy won't play with me today. He won't ever do what I want to do.
Mother: You're kinda angry with Tommy.
Johnny: I sure am. I never want to play with him again. I don't want him for a friend.
Mother: You're so angry you feel like never seeing him again.
Johnny: That's right. But if I don't have him for a friend, I won't have anyone to play with then.
Mother: You would hate to be left with no one
Johnny: Yeah. I guess I just have to get along with him someway. But it's so hard for me to stop getting mad at him
Mother: You want to get along better but it's hard for you to keep from getting mad with tommy.
Johnny: I never used to but that's when he was always willing to do what I wanted to do. He won't let me boss him anymore.
Mother: Tommy's not to easy to influence now.
Johnny: He sure isn't he's not much of a baby now. He's more fun though.
Mother: You really like him better this way.
Johnny: But it's so hard to stop bossing him- I'm so used to it. Maybe we wouldn't fight so much if I let him have his way once in a while. Think that would work?
Mother: You're thinking that if you give in occasionally, it might work.
Johnny: Yeah, maybe it would. I'll try it.

The mother's response here was active listening. This may be something that would need to be paracticed in order to come out smoothly. Another way would be telling a child What not to do after doing something wrong. ie, Bob , we don't hit other people. Please don't do it again. Others may take a " let's talk about your behavior " tactic. This may be difficult due to the fact that you have to remove any emotion while doing this, right after the heat of the moment. You have to calmy but firmly explain the wrong doing in a logical manner, why it was wrong, the consequenses that could happen after repeated offenses. The well being of the person. Etc.. The assigning of extra house hold chores and lose of priviledges such as no tv for a week, no computer or no phones for a few days, grounding, suspension of driving priviledges, etc. This is better than beating the crap out of your kids. At least they will do some thing constructive while thinking about the error of their ways. Sometimes educating rather than force modifies a child's behavior. Gives som accountability. Of course this is easy said than done. which is why I don't have kids yet. I'm not ready yet. Bottom line is there are other methods out there that can be used with out hurting the child. Some may be perfected through trial and error or by taking a child care class. There is such a thing. I also recommend reading some self help books about rearing a child.

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Originally posted by Chickity-Chynna
i don't know yet. i was spanked (by my parents) when i was a kid but rarely. kamay lang pinang-papalo at hindi naman malakas.

mas madalas nga ako paluin ng teacher ko kasi maingay daw ako. sha ang grabe! pinapapili pa nga kami ng stick. kababae ko ngang tao, na pingot ako, napalo sa ****, na hampas sa kamay ng stick. sana isang beses lang, pero madalas. the teacher would always assign one student to list down the "noisy" students. and when he/she lists your name and puts a (10 x) beside it, that means 10x ka papaluin. i remember that some of my classmates got 20x at nagmamakaawa sila sa classmate namin na bawasan yung number.

sheeeshhh!



but i turned out fine, i think...hehehehehe.

Uy sobra naman yung teacher na yon! Pano kung sa bahay hindi ka pinapalo tapos all of a sudden papaluin ka ng teacher mo? Saklap naman yata nun. Mas malaki pa nga ang effect non kasi maraming nakakakita... lalo na pag girl ka tapos napingot ka, e di nakakahiya sa guys....

Hindi tama yun. Subukan lang ng teacher ng anak ko na saktan sya, kahit na hindi malakas na palo at idedemanda ko sya. Minsan nga nabalitaan ko sinigawan ng Math teacher yung anak ko, the next day, may sulat kaagad ako sa Principal. Simula non nagbago ang teacher, dati terror daw sya, ngayon maamo na. Wag nyang idadaan sa init ng ulo ang pagtuturo. Hindi tama yun! Hindi ko pinababayaan ang teacher na pahiyain ang anak ko, sigawan dahil sa galit nya, at mas lalong paluin o saktan. Kung saka-sakaling may magkakamaling teacher na ganon, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na magdemanda. :bash:

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Originally posted by ibarramedia
This is a touchy issue, so The first thing I have to say is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and some may disagree with what I have to say. Now having said that, Where I live, hitting a child is against the law. Anyone can be arrested and charged with child abuse or neglect depending on what the situation is. This is serious enough that parents may lose custody of their kids to child services and be sent to foster homes. I won't hit my child because I believe that this will traumatize the child and as some people pointed out, condition the child to hate. I say this from my own personal experience and from case studies I have read about in college. Violence begets violence.



I learned a lot of things from your post ibarramedia. The tips that you mentioned are reallys omething I wanna try, edpcially that of helping the child to clarify her feelings and the situation, and letting her decide what would be the best solution.... This so-called "active listening" is really cool. I do talk to my child whenever she asks me questions about her friends, and I do ask her afterwards what she thinks the best thing to do is, and she comes up with her own solutions.... Sometimes, children just need to tell someone things that are bugging them, and they know how to best solve the problem. Mommies just have to be there for them to listen to them and share their own experiences. :tropical:

Nice one, ibarramedia. Thanks. ;)

[Chickity-Chynna]

Originally posted by Fairy_nd_meadow


Uy sobra naman yung teacher na yon! Pano kung sa bahay hindi ka pinapalo tapos all of a sudden papaluin ka ng teacher mo? Saklap naman yata nun. Mas malaki pa nga ang effect non kasi maraming nakakakita... lalo na pag girl ka tapos napingot ka, e di nakakahiya sa guys....

Hindi tama yun. Subukan lang ng teacher ng anak ko na saktan sya, kahit na hindi malakas na palo at idedemanda ko sya. Minsan nga nabalitaan ko sinigawan ng Math teacher yung anak ko, the next day, may sulat kaagad ako sa Principal. Simula non nagbago ang teacher, dati terror daw sya, ngayon maamo na. Wag nyang idadaan sa init ng ulo ang pagtuturo. Hindi tama yun! Hindi ko pinababayaan ang teacher na pahiyain ang anak ko, sigawan dahil sa galit nya, at mas lalong paluin o saktan. Kung saka-sakaling may magkakamaling teacher na ganon, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na magdemanda. :bash:

good for you!

that teacher was only there for a year. i am assuming that a student was able to tell his/her parent. when i was writing my experience here the other night, i thought: bakit nga ba hindi ako nagsumbong sa magulang ko.

sa same school din nayan, we had a principal who's a nun. talagang siya ang kinatatakutan ng lahat ng estudyante kasi we knew her for hitting kids with her wooden sword na naka display sa office niya. lupit noh! finally, some parents knew and she was taken out of that school.

i bet you guys wanna know what she did for a living after that. ;)

[DELISYUS]

I think I will spank my future kids.....and i have been praying that I will not LEARN to be abusive about it....

I wil spank my kids even when they are probably only 2 years old or so....not because i'm cruel, even if i will be preceived as, but to reinforce that what you put out comes back to you (and for a child, he/she only has his/her self...there are still no dreams or anything you can take way from him in direct proportion to the weight of the wrongdoing)

and it's not that i believe in spanking, for i know people who weren't spanked but grew up beautifully, and people who weren't spanked and grew up non-beautifully (hello western world).....i just believe that sometimes, it does have its merits and it CAN be helpful....

still, i am also open to other ways of disciplining a child....and i look forward to the things i will take away as a form of punishment.....

stern looks and loud, impatient voices will not be helpful if a parent usually has them (the looks and the raised voice)....

and there are kids who grew up and were spanked who realized that it WAS good that they were spanked.....and who later realized to thank their parents, even silently, for disciplining them....

minsan din kasi, nasa bata lang din yan.......meron ata talagang batang pinanganak na walang WISDOM :D

[rampage]

IT'S NOT SO MUCH THE SPANKING PART THAT SHOULD REAR UP A CHILD. WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT HE UNDERSTANDS WHY EXACTLY HE'S BEING PUNISHED.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'D SPANK JAYMIE EVER. I PROBABLY WONT.

IM THE ELDEST CHILD AND EVEN IF "ATES" ARE NOTORIOUS FOR SPANKING OR PINCHING YOUNGER SIBLINGS, I NEVER DID LIFT A FINGER TO HURT ANYONE OF MY SIBS. IT'S JUST NOT ME.

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

Originally posted by rampage
IT'S NOT SO MUCH THE SPANKING PART THAT SHOULD REAR UP A CHILD. WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT HE UNDERSTANDS WHY EXACTLY HE'S BEING PUNISHED.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'D SPANK JAYMIE EVER. I PROBABLY WONT.

IM THE ELDEST CHILD AND EVEN IF "ATES" ARE NOTORIOUS FOR SPANKING OR PINCHING YOUNGER SIBLINGS, I NEVER DID LIFT A FINGER TO HURT ANYONE OF MY SIBS. IT'S JUST NOT ME.

*okay*

[MeAko]

To spank or not to spank.

Bible says spank.

Oprah says no spanking.

What are your thoughts?

[Fairy_nd_meadow]

When you say "the rod", it doesn't just mean a stick used to hit the child, do you? You can punish a child by not using the rod and by not diminishing his or her dignity and self-esteem. In fact, when you tell the child that you were hurt because of what he or she did, that is also a "punishment" in itself, since you make him realize the consequences of his or her actions, and you made him feel sorry. You can be creative in the way you teach your children life's lessons by not necessarily hitting them with a stick.

[MeAko]

when I say the "rod". I meant, any kind of corporal punishment, be it a stick, a rolled up magazine, the belt, your hand, squeezing the arm a bit too tight, pulling the hair etc.

All other punishments that do not inflict physical pain: time out, grounding, withdrawal of toys etc are non-rod punishment.

[aajao]

i prefer following the Bible rather than Oprah. :)

[the_BuGs]

Originally posted by aajao
i prefer following the Bible rather than Oprah. :)

Me too.... sa States kasi pag pinalo mo bata pde ka pang idemanda eheheheheh

[Taurean_Dragon]

talo tayo sa States pag pagpapalaki ng bata ang pag-uusapan :lol:
but its how the parents raise their children, right? wherever they may be? :shrug:

[powerpuff]

d ako nakatikim palo nun bata ako n i'd do the same thing to my kid. pwede namang pag sabihan. dto sa states, ni d mo nga pwd anohin yun bata kung di 911 agad. :rolleyes:

[search555]

Originally posted by MeAko
To spank or not to spank.

Bible says spank.

Oprah says no spanking.

What are your thoughts?

Ngek!!! I-level ba naman si Oprah sa Bible. Anu ba namang stature ni Oprah para paniwalaan? She's only a talk show host which know what everybody already knew.

[LaTtE`M]

The American children who brought guns to schools and shot their teachers and classmates were the kinds of kids who weren't spanked. The lack of experience of pain and violence translated to a lack of appreciation of how negative these things felt. Akala nila mala-videogame lang ang mabaril. And you know how American kids treat their parents who don't spank them. I don't want my kids treating me that way.

[kulantro]

alala ko pinsan ko, six years old pa lang t*rantado na, di kasi nakakatikim eh, kaya walang kinatatakutan.. one time nasa kanila ako, sinaway ko dahil nagkakalat, abay sinabihan ba naman ako ng "bahala ka, g'ago!" tapos sabay bato ng bola sa muka ko. sabi ng nanay "where did you learn that word? bad yan, wag ganyan".. ngek!! yun na yun?? :rolleyes:
isip isip ko tuloy, tumapak lang ang paa nito sa bahay namin ibabalibag ko talaga to sa pinto.. :mad:

[LaTtE`M]

Originally posted by kulantro
alala ko pinsan ko, six years old pa lang t*rantado na, di kasi nakakatikim eh, kaya walang kinatatakutan.. one time nasa kanila ako, sinaway ko dahil nagkakalat, abay sinabihan ba naman ako ng "bahala ka, g'ago!" tapos sabay bato ng bola sa muka ko. sabi ng nanay "where did you learn that word? bad yan, wag ganyan".. ngek!! yun na yun?? :rolleyes:
isip isip ko tuloy, tumapak lang ang paa nito sa bahay namin ibabalibag ko talaga to sa pinto.. :mad:

:lol: Exactly my point!

[enchiladas]

Yeah I had my share of latays on my bottom when I was younger. I actually believe in spanking. What it can do if done the right way. Meron kasing ibang parents that take it to the extremes, get out of hand and end up in abusing the child which does more harm than expected.
Me, dati after being spanked, my parents would explain the reason for my being belted. That'll teach me. And it did.
I heard somebody say something about a glare. This worked on me when I was younger - even up til now pa pala. :glee: And it still works. When dad gives me that look, tumigil ka na OR ELSE. :whip:
I guess I'm one of the lucky few who were spanked and grew up to be "in the line".
Naaawa tuloy ako sa mga bratty cousins ko na laki dito. Ang sarap pagsasapukin sa mukha. Mga hindi marunong gumalang. Me and my sister always joke around, "Nako kung naging kapatid lang kita kanina pa nangudngud yang nguso mo sa sahig!" :lol:

orignally posted by search555
Ngek!!! I-level ba naman si Oprah sa Bible. Anu ba namang stature ni Oprah para paniwalaan? She's only a talk show host which know what everybody already knew.
Opinion ko lang 'to ha, so don't quote me on this.
Marami ang naniniwala sa kanya. Maraming umiidolo. Sa madaling salita, maraming nakikinig sa kanya. Lahat ng tours/seminars nya across the US - SOLD OUT. Why would you think that when it comes to family matters, people turn to these (talk shows) instead of ironing things out with their own family. I actually find that weird. Turn to a total-stranger-famous-celebrity for help re: their own family crisis.
Their opinions greatly affect people's decisions. To the point na parang hindi na sila mismo nag-iisip. Has anybody watched the Dr Phil episode re: spanking? All I can say is against it. Marami naman daw ibang way to discipline a child and spanking isn't even an option. :shrug:
Yung about sa Bible, it actually does say so. Spanking is the right way to correct a child.
http://www.audiblox2000.com/onlinebook/qa05.htm

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

[dragueur]

i've been spanked sooo many times when i was a kid till high school pa with belt, hanger, bamboo stick, glue stick, aray ko po!!! pero nde na masyado nung high school. actually lahat kameng magkakapatid napalo :D lalo na yung bunso..gulpi talaga...tigas kc ng ulo....but then our parents would explain why they spanked us. we turn out ok naman....altho yung bunso na lang talaga sakit sa ulo ng parents ko. nagbibinata na kc..
oh i hate those bratty kids....my cousin akong ganon, hindi marunong gumalang at medyo mayabang pa...to think his only 7 yrs old. only child e. i might spanked my future kids too but with compassion. :D

[quinone]

i believe na bata pa lang alam mo na kung mabait or hindi e.
makikita yun sa reaction nila kapag napagalitan mo. may
nakukuha sa tingin, or sa saway, yung iba naman dapat paluin
talaga! if i get to have kids, spanking would be my last
resort but IT IS definitely on my list.

tingnan nyo yung mga bata sa US, ang kukulit, kulang
kase sa palo.

[BuDwEiSeR#8]

:imu: I disagree w/ the opinion na lahat ng bata sa States makukulit dahil kulang sa palo,me kakilala ako na american family, 2 anak nila parehas ng teen-ager,hindi sila napapalo,pero maganda naman ang mga ugali,I think me palo or walang palo depende pa rin yan sa pagpapalaki ng parents,kasi parents ang nag-mold nyan simula pagkabata,walang dapat pag-sisihan kung ano man naging ugali ng anak ,usually kasi mga parents they spend too much money to their child instead of spending time w/ them, and then kapag nasobrahan sila sa kakulitan,since hindi nga sanay yung parents sa kulitan,palo agad nasa isip.
I have a 2yr-old sone,so nasa stage sya na tinatawag nilang terrible two,hindi namin sya pinapalo,not bec takot kaming makulong or what,but instead, hindi naman kasi necessary talaga na paluin sya,minsan sobrang kulit talaga na parang gusto mo ng gulpihin,pero ginagawa namin kapag me ginawa syang kalokohan or super nangungulit,or inaatake ng tuntrums nya,nilalagay namin sya sa couch,as in pinapaupo lang namin sya w/o anything in his hands,no toys,no milk,no nothing, in 10 to 15 minutes, tumitigil na sya,then kakausapin na namin sya kung magiging nice na sya,then he say yes,so far wala naman kaming problem, kapag bedtime,alam na nya punta na sya ng bedroom,kapag kumakain naman,hindi talaga maiwasan na hindi nya lalaruin ang food nya,tingin lang ng daddy nya,tigil na sya.
Minsan kasi yung ibang parents,yung pagpalo sa anak akala nila disiplina pa rin,hindi nila napapansin sa sarili nila,nagiging bisyo na nila na kapag makulit ang anak eh,palo kaagad.In the end parehas kawawa ang parents and the children as well.

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-7/268834/budweiser1.gif

[aajao]

i think the word rod must not be taken literally. ;)

[sodemntough]

hmm this is a touchy situation.. I was raised in a household where corporal punishment has always been used. Now that I have a child I try my best not to do the spanking kasi kahit pa paluin ko sya ang message na pinapadala ko sa kanya is its ok to hit others kasi my mom does that to me.Intentionally hitting a child in any way is always harmful. It threatens a child's basic trust in the world, presents children to unnecessary risks, impresses their fragile psyches in negative ways and makes them angry, resentful and even more likely to consider violence a legitimate way to resolve conflict. Therefore, it is never right, fair, or justifiable to hit a child.

Here's something that I use with my child and I'd like to share it with you:

Top 10 Ways to Handle Discipline Dilemmas

1. Be firm and be kind.
A child is more likely to hear what you're saying if you use a neutral tone.

2. Pause.
There's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm too angry to deal with this now. We'll talk about it later."

3. Teach your kids.
Instead of punishing a child for misbehaving, think in terms of teaching him to behave. "I don't like it when you leave your skateboard in the front hall. Next time, please put it in the mudroom. How can I help you remember?"

4. Be positive.
Instead of saying, "How many times do I need to ask you to brush your teeth?" Say, "Go brush your teeth and let me know when you've finished so I can tuck you in."

5. Give explanations, not threats.
By giving your child a brief explanation of why she needs to do as she's told, you give her a reason to behave.

6. Refuse to get angry.
Instead of focusing on your child's misbehavior and working yourself into a lather, think of each conflict as an opportunity to guide and direct your child.

7. Give incentives.
Inspire your child to cooperate with phrases like, "It's time to go. Why don't you go down the slide one more time and then let's hustle. I want to get home in time to make cookies."

8. Be flexible.
If your little one asks, "Can I just finish watching this show before we go?" be reasonable. If you have the time to spare, make room for your child's requests. This is a great way for kids to learn about the art of negotiation.

9. Drop out of power struggles.
Nothing is as frustrating or less productive as having a showdown with your little one. Invite your child to cooperate by saying something like, "I've got a problem. I want you to wear a clean shirt and you insist on wearing the same old one every day. How can we solve this problem?" Your child is more likely to cooperate if he comes up with the solution.

10. Be smart.
Parents will often deal with problems in a set manner, even if their approach isn't helping. If what you're doing isn't working, find a more effective way to handle the problem. Tip: It's much easier to change your approach than it is to change your child. Ask yourself, "What can I do differently that will inspire a better reaction from my child?"

TIP: Remember these three important rules about punishment:

Don't assign a punishment when you're angry
Don't use punishment as revenge.
A more severe punishment is not necessarily a better one

[hosel]

I was raised by a very hot tempered father who did not spare the rod. Looking back, I thought I was physically abused.

Taking care of my own kids made me reflect my past. No spanking! All of them are okay in college. It's hard to tell how they will fare in the real world.

I am successful in my own way and humble standards. So, wifey and I will have to wait and see.

Other than my being spanked, my dad was a good father. I am grateful he did not raise me spoiled.

[sodemntough]

I was spanked as a child, and all it did for me was humiliate me and lower my feeling of self worth..

I will not be striking my child. He will learn through positive reinforcement and no punishment. His punishment will be knowing that he has disappointed me, and that is the greatest punishment for a child.

[koopz]

its ok to use the rod, as long as you always explain to him/her why you did it...

[ilpadrino]

Spare the rod, no children to spoil. :D

[almada]

Spare the rod, use an open palm on the behind.

[ellendear]

I believe this saying is very true. Even children have to take the consequence of every bad thing they do. As soon as my children realized what is wrong and what is right, I started discipling them by spanking their behind. I don't use my hand. There will come a time when you reach out to them, they will get confused if you're trying to spank them or merely caress them. Hands, for me, are for holding and for showing your love for them. I use a wooden spoon. But make sure not to spank them when you're angry. Most likely it will become abuse. But be sure also that it will hurt enough so they will remember it. If not, they will just take you lightly or worse, they will just laugh at you. Talk to them why you had to do it. When I ask my children, they always answer correctly why I had to spank them. Now, my children are a little grown. I rarely spank them now coz all I have to do is show them my wooden spoon and they'll behave.

[BadGiRL]

I'll spare the rod and spoil the child...a bit. :)

If I decide to have a kid, that kid will be the priority of my life. And somehow, I think when all your attention is into the upbringing of the child, the day won't come when you'd have to hit the kid to teach him a lesson.

Parents now kasi think having children as just reproducing themselves to stroke their own egos that they are successful kasi they have a family and a great job and what have you's. They don't think about the huge responsibility of bringing a new life into the world. Tapos they hit the kids because the don't perfom as expected in a way to stroke the egos of the parents. Lalo na those women who think they that should be new age mothers with being able to balance child rearing, career and being a wife (etong last aspect medyo irrelevant na ito kasi you don't have to marry naman e. hehehe). I just don't think you can strike a balance. Yeah, you can have a career and a family, pero never balanced sila. One will really be sacrificed for the other.

I've read somewhere that your children don't come from you, they just came through you. Meaning, the children don't owe the parents. It's the other way around.

Children never asked to be borne. It's the parents' responsibility to bring them up happy and well rounded. Kaya I really hate it when people preach that kids owe their parents and the entire range orf bull that goes with it.

[your_angel]

i have a 2 yr-old son... sobrang kulit as in sobra talaga!! and as far as spanking is concerned as much as possible ayoko talaga kasi iniisip ko parati pag *** makulit siya tapos gustong-gusto ko na siyang paluin.. there's this voice na sabi "nahirapan ka maglabas sa batang yan pagkatapos papaluin mo lang.." kaya ayun nakokonsensiya **** ako.. ayoko talaga siyang nasasaktan kasi prang ako rin *** nasasaktan ganon... worry ko lang baka maspoiled ko eh... pro nakikiring **** sa akin pag pinagsasabihan ko... minsan.

[Mickey2000]

http://www.boomspeed.com/carolrobert/mickey.gif
your_angel:Iba naman ang naiisip ko,kapag parang he push me to the limit na,minsan tinititigan ko na lang,then iniisip ko "me mga parents na nasa hospital ngayon,magbabayad kahit magkano,kahit buhay pa nila,gumalaw lang kahit isang daliri ng anak nila".so ayun,keeps me down,and then ayun napapansin ko tumitigil din sya,kasi natural na nila yan eh "attention seeker" :),hindi ko pa rin napalo ang anak ko,as in yung napalo na me latay na manipis ha, kapag pinalo ko sya,sa diaper lagi,so far so good,mabait din naman.

[NOKiE]

I do spank my kid when necessary. The problem with other parents is their contempt for their kids after the fact. It also troubles me that some grownups can't distinguish the difference between necessary spanking and child abuse.

[joben]

More often than not, the reason why we strike our child, especially in anger, is that we adults are not able to handle our own feelings. I remember times when I would get angry and spank my eldest simply because I was tired and do not want to take the time and talk things over.

It is a humbling experience for me when my boy would recall those times since he never really figured out why?

Now, I make sure I check myself before I do anything. Am I doing this to correct my child or simply to cover up for my own inadequacies.

There are times when I still spank my child, but now its not out of anger and with uncontrolled force. Whenever I resort to the rod, its a deliberate act and only because the other options (corner, grounding, reprimands) are no longer effective. Sometimes they do things to test our limits and to expand their 'territory'.

How would you correct a child when the moment you turn your back they will go back on their word that they would do something or not do something. It is a very deliberate refusal and challenges our parental authority. Im not talking about a random event but something that's been constantly repeated.

[victor_wood]

THE "HOW" OF SPANKING
How do you go about giving a spanking? There are many problems to avoid. You must avoid responding in anger. You must avoid treating your child without proper respect for his/her person and dignity. You must temper unwavering firmness with kindness and gentleness.
The ff. procedures can provide discipline that preserves the child's dignity:

1. Take your child to a private place where he can be spoken with in privacy. Discipline must not rob a child of his dignity. You must not discipline in front of other children. The object is not to humiliate a child. You show respect for him by giving him privacy.
2. Tell him specifically what he has done or failed to do. Physical discipline must be attached to specific,easily demonstrated issues. Your spanking must always be issue-oriented. The spanking must always address a specific attitude or incident. Never spank just for "general purposes" or because you've "had it"
3. Secure an acknowledgement from the child of what he has done. This will often take some time. many times children will want to avoid spanking badly enough to lie about what they have done. This ensures that he knows why he is being spanked.
4. Remind him that the function of the spanking is not venting your frustration or because you are angry. You have no right to hit your child under any circumstance other than biblically sanctioned discipline.
5. Tell the child how many swats he will receive. (This is an important signal that you are in control of yourself)
6. It is best to lay the child across your lap rather than over a bed or a chair. this puts the spanking in the context of your physical relationship. He is not being removed from you to a neutral object for the purpose of being disciplined
7. After you have spanked, take the child up on your lap and hug him, telling him how much you love him,how it grieves you to spank him, and how you hope it will not be necessary again. This keeps the spanking referenced to restoration, not retribution

**When is my child old enough?
When your child is old enough to resist your directives, he is old enough to be disciplined.


**TAKEN FROM THE BOOK SHEPERDING A CHILD'S HEART by TEDD TRIPP*****

[rykiel]

i have a 2 yr-old son... sobrang kulit as in sobra talaga!! and as far as spanking is concerned as much as possible ayoko talaga kasi iniisip ko parati pag *** makulit siya tapos gustong-gusto ko na siyang paluin.. there's this voice na sabi "nahirapan ka maglabas sa batang yan pagkatapos papaluin mo lang.." kaya ayun nakokonsensiya **** ako.. ayoko talaga siyang nasasaktan kasi prang ako rin *** nasasaktan ganon... worry ko lang baka maspoiled ko eh... pro nakikiring **** sa akin pag pinagsasabihan ko... minsan.

i can relate to you... it's really hard for me not to spank my son when he's totally being defiant, kasi medyo mabigat kamay ko and i think he got that trait from me. i use time-outs but it's only 80% effective nevertheless it's better than hitting your own flesh and blood. don't worry about spoiling your kid, as long as you give proper guidance and limits he will grow up just fine.

[jisc]

I remember my spanking days :), di ko malilimutan nung minsang binato ako ng mother ko kutsara, nag miss sa kin ng 1 or 2 inch, at tumama sa bintana namin at nabasag ang salamin, di ko malilimutan yon, that could have been my skull cracked.

ako rin eh namamalo ng anak, minsan naman eh nagsisisi rin ako, pero as much as possible eh nagtitimpi na lang ako, pero wag lang yung papaluin natin ang ating anak sa harap ng ibang tao, kasi madalas eh itatanim nila yon sa puso nila at maaalala nila kahit paglaki na

[bagyoboy]

Originally posted by ellendear
I believe this saying is very true. Even children have to take the consequence of every bad thing they do. As soon as my children realized what is wrong and what is right, I started discipling them by spanking their behind. I don't use my hand. There will come a time when you reach out to them, they will get confused if you're trying to spank them or merely caress them. Hands, for me, are for holding and for showing your love for them. I use a wooden spoon. But make sure not to spank them when you're angry. Most likely it will become abuse. But be sure also that it will hurt enough so they will remember it. If not, they will just take you lightly or worse, they will just laugh at you. Talk to them why you had to do it. When I ask my children, they always answer correctly why I had to spank them. Now, my children are a little grown. I rarely spank them now coz all I have to do is show them my wooden spoon and they'll behave.


This I like!

[ChiQui]

Originally posted by Ira
In the early ages of the child (I'm not talking infancy here), a slap on the wrist or a light spank on the butt always coupled with a very stern "no! it's bad!" and an explanation is warranted. Children at a very young age cannot understand yet the effects of a bad deed--parents should teach the child to associate scolding with spanking. That way, when the child grows older, a mere stern warning would be enough to stop his misdeeds, because he has learned to associate a "no" with something bad.

I agree!!! :)

[quickbrwnfox]

i got alot of spanking from my childhood days from my dad and mom. even my kuya's ata.

tsinelas, kamay sinturon. i dont even remember the reasons sa sobrang dami and dalas.. pero indi naman battered. naalala ko dati, suwail tlaga akong anak. pero i think there comes a time wen we reach a certain age na indi na uso yung palo palo. maybe because by then, u know what u shud and shud not do, or wala na din use kung paluin pa kc manhid na.

in my part, thru that spanking, isip ko dad ko wants whats best for me kaya ni didiscipline nya ako. kaya ngayon, i think iv become a gud person than nung bata ako. siguro pag di ako pinalo sobra nameng brat ngayon.

siguro nga may advantage at disadvantage yun, pero thats in the past, cant bring back time.

pero pag ako nagka anak siguro.. il try not to hit them , pero di mo din maiiwasan e. sometimes, kung sobra tlaga tigas ng ulo..

o well, just cross the bridge wen i get there.

[the_BuGs]

ako nde ko na kelangang sabihin kung ilang palo at hambalos ang inabot ko nung bata ako! :D obvious na naman eh :glee:



malapit na rin akong maging tatay.. pero of course kelangan ko ng revenge sa anak ko mwahahahahahahahah! :lol: ei joke lang

shempre kelangan ko ring paluin yung anak.. pero in the right way..nde yung sa labas ng bahay me maraming tao na nakakakita, porke makulit yung bata papaluin na... yung tipong me ginawang nde kanais nais... tulad kunyari.. sapakin yung kalarong bata.. or whatever.. papaluin ko anak ko pero sasabihin ko naman kung bakit ko sya pinalo.. at kelangan dalawa lang kami o kasama ko wife ko na walang nakakakita

[dior_addict]

Ang anak ko spoiled yata.......pero sakin lang. Takot sa Tatay nya. Ok naman, at least pag napapagalitan sya ni Daddy eh sakin sya tumatakbo.

Nung di ko pa sya pinapanganak, sabi ko sa sarili ko, hinding hindi ko sya papaluin pero dahil sa sobrang kulit at tigas ng ulo, di pwedeng di paluin pero di naman *** masakit masyado. kamay ko lang pampalo sa kanya. wawa naman eh.

[junjani23]

nabasa ko sa isang pyschology book:

" Ang isang bata na lumaki sa palo....papaluin nya rin ang magiging anak nya..dahil sa tingin nya ito ang tama"

..with me..oo pinapalo ko kids ko lalo na sobrang kulit..pero mas madalas na yakapan at lambingan kami!

[smilewarrior]

Good day

I am not a psychologist and I am not a parent. From what I've read about parenting and how a child's mind works, I've realized this:

It is not enough to discourage bad behavior. That is only half of the equation. What is more important is to encourage good behavior. Positive reinforcement definitely works better in the long run.

Indeed, children should learn the consequences of their actions. They should know what is wrong and what is unjust. But if children are not taught what is right and what is fair, they will have a hard time coping with the "real world" when they become adults.

No child is born evil. All young children are capable of selfless acts of kindness. It is these selfless acts which we must praise and encourage so that they will continue to be kind and just when they become adults.

[QUESTioning]

Tama bang paluin ang anak para madisiplina?

[torres29]

Tama ban paluin ang anak?

Sa tingin ko HINDI tamang paluin ang bata para madisiplina. I read it from a book na lalong titigas ang ulo ng bata kapag laging napapalo. So, ng magkaroon ako ng baby siyempre sinisubukan ko rin. And I think effective nga. My daughter is already 2-1/2 yrs. old. she's suuuuper kulit and malikot. Kapag nangungulit n siya doon ko ina-apply *** mga nababasa ko....and it helps!.

[Bea_]

No. Trauma lang ang maiinstill sa utak nya and not discipline, hindi naman maiintindihan ng bata ang reason kumbakit mo sya kelangan paluin, since bata nga sya.
My mom never hit us when we're still young, the same way I would do in raising my children.

[ms_jane143]

well for me, ang pagpalo sa anak ay tama kung nararapat lamang. Depende syempre sa nagawa ng bata. Minsan ang bata umaabuso pag puro salita ang pinapairal sa bahay. Wala ng pagkakaiba kung makagawa man sila ng "maliit" or "malaki" na pagkakamali total salita lang naman ang gagawin ng magulang. Minsan kailangan pa rin nilang makaramdam ng somehow pag-aalinlangan sa pagkakamali nila. First, second, third offense pwede pa yun, pero pag sobra na and ganon pa rin ang ginagawa nyang pagkakamali, i think they deserve na rin na paluin. Yung sinasabing titigas ang ulo ng bata pag pinapalo.. titigas talaga ang ulo pag LAGI nalang pinapalo kahit maliit lang ang kasalanan. Yun nga ang sinasabi nilang gawin lahat ng bagay in moderation. Pag sumobra kahit gaano kabuti, masama pa rin........

[QUESTioning]

Ya I agree to that, as a father of two di mo minsan maiwasan na paluin ang bata kahit pinagsabihan mo na ng ilang ulit. Di naman siguro masama kung masaktan ang bata basta wag lang sosobra. Minsan kasi pag sinabi mo sa bata na papaluin mo siya pag ginawa ulit yung kasalanan nila, at di mo naman pinalo, pwede nilang ulit ulitin kasi ok lang sayo at di mo naman sila pinapalo. Siguro nasa degree ng kasalanan nila kung alam na ng bata na di dapat gawin at ginawa ulit, di ba dapat ng kalusin. Just after kailangan lang ipaliwanag sa bata kung bakit pinalo. Kung papaluin mo ang anak mo, what do you prefer na gamitin sa kanya?

[Cassiejane42]

No!.. kasi ang batang pinapalo nagkakaroon ng tramu at gaano man sila katalino pag ipina-panganak.. nawawala ito dahil nag kakaroon sila ng Phobia to try their best.. nauunahan ng takot na baka pag-nagkamali sila ay mapapalo. I never hit my son.. Lalo na dito sa america ang mga teacher always aware sa mga bata kung may bruise or something dine-deretso sa Principal office then the Principal call a police and social workers to take away your children.. and School can sue you for child abuse..

[«FickleMinded»]

http://www.miamihost.net/ims/u/SweetPea_no8/Dolls/snoopy.gif
*pexadik*-- Basta ba yung palo lang sa **** na kamay lang ang gamit,ok lang yon,basta wala lang yung pasa-pasa na,kapag sobrang palo,masama na iyon,yung iba sasabihin nila ok lang daw,kasi sila pinalo din nung bata pa, ang katwiran ko naman,iba ka,iba ang parents mo,iba ang anak mo,kaya kung sa iyo nag work ang palo,it doesn't mean na mag wo work din sa anak mo.
Kami never kami napalo,kaya lahat kami na nag-asawa at may kanya kanya ng anak eh hindi rin namamalo,pero ang bata talagang tetestingin ang pasensya mo,hindi maiwasan lalo na kung working ka at tapos bad mood pa then sasabayan ng tuntrums nila,mga ganon sitwasyon.Ako,pasalamat ako at nag-stay at home ako,habang lumalaki ang anak ko nasubaybayan ko ang ugali at sumpong nya,3 yrs old na sya in the next 2 weeks,pero so far nadadaan sa paki-usap at talagang diplomasya ang kailangan,ang pinakaparusa namin sa kanya kapag sumobra na eh pinapaupo namin sya sa chair (grounded) for 30 minutes or more hanggat hind sya kumakalma,walang laruan,pagkain or kahit ano,mas effective pa.I never even try to hit him not bec it's against the law(it's ot my #1 reason),but just bec I'm to use to.

[Bea_]

And not to mention, kapag sinasaktan kase ng magulang ang anak, nawawalan sila ng confidence, kase magulang should be there to protect and teach the children good values, yung lumalabas na masamang ugali ng isang bata I believe nakukuha lang nila sa surroundings nila and sa mga nakikita nila, so dapat hwag din ipapakita sa anak kung nagaaway kayo ng husdand etc.

My husband's mom used to hit him with the belt bakal sa butt, tapos ginagamitan pa sya ng tsinelas sa mukha, tapos there was a time na yung yaya nya sinasaktan sya, sinumbong nya sa mom nya, balewala lang sa mom nya, para bang walang kaso kung saktan ng yaya. Kaya ako I would not do it to our children, kaya ngayon malayong malayo ang loob ng husband ko sa mom nya, ang kasalanan lang daw nya kaya sya sinaktan ng mom nya is me inuutos na household chore na di nya ginawa.

[QUESTioning]

Given the scenario, meron kang 2 anak (either boy or girl) then nasaktan ng panganay mo yung bunso. What would you do? Hindi mo ba sya papaluin kung nakasakit sya ng iba? Hindi ba pag di mo sya pinalo means ok lang na manakit ng iba kasi di naman sya naparusahan or kung paparusahan man sya, in what way mo gagawin na malaman nyang bad ang ginawa nya?

[Cassiejane42]

I remember growing up.. dahil bunso ako sa amin.. meron akong dalawang sister.. pag sinasaktan ako ng mga ate ko lumalaban ako.. then our parents just sit there and watching who gonna cry.. then our father, said.. " are you girls are done. go to your room.. No! T.V. and no dinners. you all girls are grounded for a weeks".. But walang paluan.. I dont really understand why paluan is a good excuse if you can find another way to discipline your children..

[LaTtE`M]

I think there is a balance na that can be struck between spanking and not spanking, wherein spanking is used only in cases where the child inflicts extreme pain on others.

The problem with not spanking is that the child does not understand the concept of pain, punishment and the consequences of their actions. They do something and they think okay lang kasi bubungangaan lang naman sila ng magulang nila pero wala namang mangyayari sa kanilang masama.

I've also never heard of cases where a child grew up to be a nutcase because of mere spanking --- kung binubugbog (battered child) or sexually abused lang nagiging psychologically impaired yung bata.

[«FickleMinded»]

http://www.miamihost.net/ims/u/SweetPea_no8/Dolls/snoopy.gif
Originally posted by QUESTioning
Given the scenario, meron kang 2 anak (either boy or girl) then nasaktan ng panganay mo yung bunso. What would you do? Hindi mo ba sya papaluin kung nakasakit sya ng iba? Hindi ba pag di mo sya pinalo means ok lang na manakit ng iba kasi di naman sya naparusahan or kung paparusahan man sya, in what way mo gagawin na malaman nyang bad ang ginawa nya?
--tell him that it's bad to hit people,kasi kung papaluin mo sya in return,you only justify what he did,ang magiging dating sa kanya kapag sinaktan ka ng iba,saktan mo rin sila,it's not like that,mga bata diplomasya lang ang kailangan.

[Cassiejane42]

minsan pa nga yata pag * Silent treatment *, ang ginawa mo mas nagwo-worried pa sila.. ang anak ko pag hindi ko kina-kausap ng mga two hour and I told him that: " mommie need a peace of mind and go to your room ".. hindi na niya alam ang gagawin tapos panay ang apologize.. Then after two hour at pag - umiiral na ang pusong - ina ko doon ko na kakausapin ang anak ko to tell him " what he did is wrong ".. That how handle my son..

[«FickleMinded»]

http://www.miamihost.net/ims/u/SweetPea_no8/Dolls/snoopy.gif
*pexadik*-- uy alam mo pareho tayo, yung anak ko 3 yrs old pa lang, kapag me ginawa syang hindi ko nagustuhan at minsan talaga parang gustong gusto kong paluin mabuti na lang at lagi umiiral ang aking presence of mind,ang gagawin ko titingnan ko lang sya at hindi ko kakausapin,wala pang 10 minutes,panay na tanong nya sa kin "are you mad at me,mommy"?,sino ba naman hindi maaawa, at ma ta-touch,then kapag sumagot na ako ng yes,start na rin ng pagkausap ko sa kanya.

[Melferg]

Yung anak ko rin pag sinigawan mo sisigaw din sayo pag tiningnan mo lang sya ng galit ka, saka mag so-sorry sayo... tapos maaawa naman ang mommy pero hindi pinapahalata hihihi.

[Cassiejane42]

hay naku buhay - ina sa America.. buti na lang may Laws na bawal mamalo ng bata.. At medyo na dagdagan nang kaunti ang haba ng pasensiya natin.. hindi naman kasi kasalanan ng mga bata ang maging makulit eh.. kaya lang pag nag tama ang Time ng PMS mo at sumpong ng mga anak natin.. iyan ang mahirap na kumbinasyon hahaha...

[Sweetkay]

I think there is a book out there that discusses this in detail. Title niya is "How to Discipline without Spanking or Shouting."

:shrug:

It's worth a try right?

[avonlea]

share ko lang... my friends and i were talking about it a few days ago...

==================

Source: http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/tenreasons.html

Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids
by Jan Hunt, M.Sc.


In Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Croatia, Cyprus, Latvia, Italy, Israel, Germany and Austria, it is illegal for a parent, teacher, or anyone else to spank a child. In some states and provinces, it is only illegal for a teacher to spank. In all areas of North America, physical punishment by a parent, as long as it is not severe, is still seen by many as necessary discipline, and condoned, or even encouraged.
For the past several years, many psychiatrists, sociological researchers, and parents have recommended that we seriously consider banning the physical punishment of children. The most important reason, according to Dr. Peter Newell, coordinator of the organization End Punishment of Children (EPOCH)1, is that "all people have the right to protection of their physical integrity, and children are people too."2

1. Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves. Extensive research data is now available to support a direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and aggressive or violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Virtually all of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It is nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and wisdom.

2. In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. Among these needs are: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise, and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But his greatest need is for his parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too distracted by their own problems and worries to treat their children with patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to punish a child for responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly unjust.

3. Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way. As the educator John Holt wrote, "When we make a child afraid, we stop learning dead in its tracks." A punished child becomes preoccupied with feelings of anger and fantasies of revenge, and is thus deprived of the opportunity to learn more effective methods of solving the problem at hand. Thus, a punished child learns little about how to handle or prevent similar situations in the future.

4. “Spare the rod and spoil the child? though much quoted, is in fact a misinterpretation of Biblical teaching. While the “rod?is mentioned many times in the Bible, it is only in the Book of Proverbs that this word is used in connection with parenting. The book of Proverbs is attributed to Solomon, an extremely cruel man whose harsh methods of discipline led his own son, Rehoboam, to become a tyrannical and oppressive dictator who only narrowly escaped being stoned to death for his cruelty. In the Bible there is no support for harsh discipline outside of Solomon’s Proverbs. By contrast, the writings in the Gospels, the most important books in the Bible for Christians, contain the teachings of Jesus Christ, who urged mercy, forgiveness, humility, and non-violence. Jesus saw children as being close to God, and urged love, never punishment.3

5. Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect. Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially good behavior based on fear, which can only take place until the child is old enough to resist. In contrast, cooperation based on respect will last permanently, bringing many years of mutual happiness as the child and parent grow older.

6. Many parents never learned in their own childhood that there are positive ways of relating to children. When punishment does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the parent is unaware of alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent and dangerous actions against the child.

7. Anger and frustration which cannot be safely expressed by a child become stored inside; angry teenagers do not fall from the sky. Anger that has been accumulating for many years can come as a shock to parents whose child now feels strong enough to express this rage. Punishment may appear to produce "good behavior" in the early years, but always at a high price, paid by parents and by society as a whole, as the child enters adolescence and early adulthood.

8. Spanking on the buttocks, an erogenous zone in childhood, can create in the child's mind an association between pain and sexual pleasure, and lead to difficulties in adulthood. "Spanking wanted" ads in alternative newspapers attest to the sad consequences of this confusion of pain and pleasure. If a child receives little parental attention except when being punished, this will further merge the concepts of pain and pleasure in the child's mind. A child in this situation will have little self-esteem, believing he deserves nothing better. For more on this topic, see "The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children" (also in French).

Even relatively moderate spanking can be physically dangerous. Blows to the lower end of the spinal column send shock waves along the length of the spine, and may injure the child. The prevalence of lower back pain among adults in our society may well have its origins in childhood punishment. Some children have become paralyzed through nerve damage from spanking, and some have died after mild paddlings, due to undiagnosed medical complications.

9. Physical punishment gives the dangerous and unfair message that "might makes right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are. The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally fulfilling life.

10. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems. If a child does not observe a parent solving problems in a creative and humane way, it can be difficult for him to learn to do this himself. For this reason, unskilled parenting often continues into the next generation.

Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear.

[ShadesOfPurple]

Dapat *** para matuto ng leksyon.

[EmmriE]

hmm.. spanking a child is not good. but kung kaya pang paki-usapan, pakiusapan sana and talk to them... well kung nde makinig, try raising your voice a bit higher, kung nde pa rin, paluin nyo na. hehehehe... that's what i do...:)

[toron]

It depends though right.. some kids you can talk to ^ like that or shout at to get it into their sometimes thick skulls, but some kids just need that palo just to wake them up to the reality that they can't just do what they want- of course you shouldn't hit them hard or anything..

[Mhixxgirl]

i have 3 kids and i don't really hit my kids that hard. most of the time kamay sa legs pag sobrang kulit na pero most of the time salita lang. Yung 2nd baby ko 3 years old and grabe mag tantrums, pag ka ganun na sya talaga pang buong city rinig ang iyak and sigaw nya pero pinababayaan ko lang. Minsan nagtatagal hanggang 2 hours na ganun sya, napapagod din naman, ehehehe tapos saka ko sya kinakausap. Ngayon mga 30 mins na lang tumatagal ang tantrums nya. Mas madali silang kausapin pag nag cool off na kesa pinipilit mas nagwawala. Tested ko na ang ganitong teknik eh and malalambing sila lahat.

[lwc]

i hear you all!

i think it is not so much the spanking as it is your state of mind while disciplining...

never discipline in anger. no matter what method you use.

[Sara_Chase]

i resort to spanking when all other form of discipling fails. now, whenever i try to discipline her, all i need to tell her is ... "do you want mommy to get mad?" and she'll stop.

sometimes, i make her choose the punishment. one time, i caught her eating paper (after countless times of pleading not to) ... her choices were (1) eat more paper or (2) get spanked. she chose spanking. so far, i haven't seen her eat paper for quite a while now.

[Flaming_waters]

I have a neighbor na 12 yrs. old ngayon. Yung mom nya, talagang hot headed at palo ang inaabot nya at the slightest reason. As in, makakita lang ng kalat sa kwarto eh hampas na agad with a shoe sa anu mang body part na mapagtripan. Alam ko po to dahil ako ang takbuhan ng neighbor na yun. I've known her since she was 4 kasi. Ngayon, she's saving her allowance para daw pag 19 na sya, makaalis na sya ng bahay at makarent ng sariling room sa faraway apartment. She said it's better for both of them since hindi na nya talaga matiis yung mom nya at alam nyang pag wala na sya, wala nang ikagagalit yung mom nya..
see the bad result of spanking...

[«FickleMinded»]

Originally posted by Sara_Chase
i resort to spanking when all other form of discipling fails. now, whenever i try to discipline her, all i need to tell her is ... "do you want mommy to get mad?" and she'll stop.

--dialogue ko rin yan sa anak kong 3 yrs old,eh iyon pa man din sobrang ayaw nya na mad ako,minsan naman kapag may ni request sya at sinabi kong tama na, sasabihin ko din na "and I don't care if you cry", ayun,hindi naman sya umiiyak :D

Sa anak ko kahit may kakulitan,hindi ako makakita ng tamang dahilan na paluin ko sya,kasi baka makalakihan na pag may nangyaring hindi maganda,hindi nya sa akin sasabihin at baka paluin ko pa sya,pag pinapalo kasi feeling ng mga bata sila ang laging may kasalanan,eh papaano kung na se-sexual harass na pala ang anak mo,sa takot na baka mapalo at sya pa ang mapagalitan, hindi na lang magsasalita sa iyo.

[Cass_jan.20]

ako naman ang dialog ko sa anak ko noon * You'll be grounded for life if you don't behave", then he stop.. Ngayung 9 years.old na siya nahi-hiya na pag sinasabi ko iyun kasi may GF na siya eh.. :)

[Sayeesha]

9 y/o and may gf na?!?! I fear for my daughter.........

I agree with light spank on hands if indeed very naughty... but the spanking I see form other mothers... beating and hitting the child more than a dozen times for slight misdemeanor, that I do not agree. Ayaw na ayaw kong may batang umiiyak, as in full of pain and fear. It freaks me out, parang nararamdaman ko yung takot nila saka yung sakit nila... I don't even know if I can spank my own daughter!

[kamehameha]

I got this from the book "Baby and Child Care"

"Physical punishment (specifically, disciplinary spanking) is a tool that can be useful in specific circumstances. However, some voices in our culture condemn all spanking, based on claims that it teaches violence, perpetuates abuse, damages a child's dignity, and doesn't change behavior. These criticisms are valid for abusive corporal punishment such as slapping, kicking, beating, and in cases of spanking when it is used excessively or inappropriately, such as when representing an expression of anger and frustration, causing injury.

But when utilized with appropriate guidelines, spanking can and should be neither abusive nor damaging to a child's physical and emotional well-being. With toddlers and preschoolers, a controlled swat on the behind may be appropriate to bring a confrontation to a timely conclusion. A disciplinary spanking should be administered only in response to an episode of willful defiance characterized by a clear, appropriate parental directive that the child understands and is capable of following; a direct challenge from the child, especially with disrespectul or hostile tone; or persistent and blatant refusal to cooperate.

In such situations, attempts to reason with a hotly defiant toddler or to "share your feelings" with a disrespectful preschooler are likely to be futile . Allowing a child to call you names, spit at you, throw objects, take a swing at you, or damage your home is inappropriate and unhealthy, does not help him "get it out of his system," and virtually guarantees more of the same destructive and obnoxious behavior in the future. And if the conflict continues to boil or escalate, your anger and frustration my reach a flash point at which hurtful words or actions may result.

Any physical action you take in such circumstances should not be an outpouring of anger or an act of revenge, but rather a tactic to turn your child's behavior around and bring the rebellion to a swift conclusion. A spanking of one or three quick swats should provide a brief, superficial sting to the buttocks or the back of the upper thighs. It should be just hard enough to get the child's attention, bring on some tears, and break through the defiance."

[akane_xylene]

naalala ko tuloy ng bata pa ako. 5yrs agwat namin ng sis ko. 2 lang kaming magkapatid. lagi kaming nagaaway. sanay kasi ako ng ako lang dati. kapag nakita kami ng mom ko na nagaaway, papaluin nya kami ng broom stick! mas marami akong palo dahil matanda daw ako. when my mom is away and kaming 2 lang nagaaway, i would hit my sister talaga. kahit na ang liit nya lang and ang laki ko na. then dumating *** time nya she would hit me back and curse me. mag kaaway talaga kami. and i could still remember the scene when my mom would hit me. i would try to run... and sometimes hindi na. hinahayaan ko lang. d na ako nagpapakita masakit....she would hit me not once... may times na nagbabakat *** palo nya and then kakausapin nya ako while im crying and i would feel hatred to my sister and my mom. sa isip ko, "hindi mo man inalam kung sino talaga ang may kasalanan." kasi sa mata ko ang kapatid ko naman talaga ang may kasalanan. sasabihin nya lang na matanda daw ako dapat intindihin ko *** kapatid ko.... working mom kasi sya. tapos *** dad ko naman OFW.... na-share ko ***.

a lot of times i would hit my boy classmates. my times na nasasaktan na sila at napipikon. reading your posts makes me think why im such a hitter. sabi nga ng bf ko, "nanakit ka na ha..."

and then when i went back here in the province to show my self because i told them through a letter that i am pregnant... my bf after a few days went here too. after we (my bf, my parents and I) talked, nagalit dad ko kasi he didnt here what he wants to hear, binatukan nya ako ng malakas... sabi nya, "sinong my kasalanan?" my mom said, "e d ang anak mo." my dad, "oo yang anak mo!" sabay dagok sa ulo. thats the time that i cried and looked at him so badly. in my mind im thinking, "ang lakas ng loob mong saktan ako. u werent here to guide me. may kasalanan ka din bakit ako nagkaganito..." :shedtears:

[kamehameha]

akane_xylene, i feel sorry for you. Hanggang ngayon meron ka pa ring physical "abuse" na nari-receive.

Madaling mag-anak, ang hirap maging magulang. Sana sa school, hindi lang math and science ang tinuturo. Dapat tinuturo din kung paano ang maging mabuting magulang. Meron kasing mga magulang na as long as good provider sila, tingin nila na fulfill na nila yung responsibility as a parent. Pero parenting is much more than that.

[JdelaCruz]

As much as possible, I wouldn't want to spank my kids and I hope I won't ever be in a position that I have to. Yep, I think there will be circumstances where you really have to spank your kids.

My wife and I were both spanked as kids, on occasion. I'd like to think we turned out okay. :naughty: And far from becoming physically rough or abusive kids like one of the articles posted above suggests, my wife and I remember being rather peaceable youths, not prone to fighting or hitting other children at all.

And now that we have kids of our own, we agree and have a fairly good idea on when and how to inflict physical punishment on the little devils, i mean angels when necessary. Nothing like our own childhood experiences to go back to as reference.

[akane_xylene]

*** dad ng baby ko, di sila napapalo ng bata. ngayon ganon din ang tingin nya. dapat di mamalo. unless na safety na nila *** nakataya. like kunwari, they play with wire, un lang *** time na dapat paluin(di naman malakas) para matatak sa isip nila na they shouldnt play with it because its dangerous. un *** sabi ni daddy.

hindi naman *** intentional na nanakit *** ginagawa ko before. its more on habit na nanghahampas. kaso mabigat ang kamay ko kaya masakit *** hampas ko. *** kapatid ko ganun din. pero di ko un ginagawa para manakit...

[Flaming_waters]

Madalas po akong i-hurt nung bata ako... worst po yung pinaso ako with a flat iron... may peklat nga po eh... pero now at 16, hiwalay na parents ko at my mom is always on a bussiness trip... and my dad has a new GF... and I don't care one bit if I never see both of them again... pinaranas po nila kasi sakin lahat eh... physical and emotional pain... and I ** both of them na talaga...

Besides, if its wrong 4 a child to hit a parent if he/she has done wrong, why is it not wrong to hit a child?...

[akane_xylene]

Madalas po akong i-hurt nung bata ako... worst po yung pinaso ako with a flat iron... may peklat nga po eh... pero now at 16, hiwalay na parents ko at my mom is always on a bussiness trip... and my dad has a new GF... and I don't care one bit if I never see both of them again... pinaranas po nila kasi sakin lahat eh... physical and emotional pain... and I ** both of them na talaga...

Besides, if its wrong 4 a child to hit a parent if he/she has done wrong, why is it not wrong to hit a child?...

Correct ka jan! :diablo:

[pebblesandrocks]

Bago palang ako dito. This thread is very useful.

[hael76]

there are several ways to modify a kid's behavior. i agree with those who say that physical punishment does not work. kids become hitters nga.

there's positive/negative reinforcement, token economy, contract setting, ignoring/extinction. hehe! im getting a bit too technical na pala. :p

[atari_nicole]

I just wanna see your thoughts on this topic. I have a 2 year old son and he is at that age where he has become makulit. The problem is I believe in spanking coz thats how my parents disciplined me. My girlfriend on the other hand is still 'uncomfortable' with the idea. And now my son is starting to hit her when he gets mad also. Her parents told her to try to talk to him. But he doesn't seem to listen to my GF. But cmon? What ever happened to the ol' fashion pinoy style of disciplining? Has everyone become soft? Talking is fine, but i believe that should be saved after he has learned the consequences of his actions with a good tsinelas spanking.

Anyways please share your thoughts or opinions regarding this matter. So how do you discipline your children???

[cmars2]

My son is turning 2years old less than 1 month from now. He's very makulit and we sometimes spank him (can't help really). I've tried other tricks too(not talking to him, putting him in a secluded place, etc) but to no avail. Nasa stage talaga ata nila yan. Problem ko lang is, whenever I spank him, parang nae-enjoy pa nya. Is there a problem with him?

[msbles]

Before you read further, I suggest you try this link: http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=59&tx_ttnews[tt_news]=248&tx_ttnews=7

Before I became a parent, I was against spanking, although we were spanked and we turned out great :) (Btw, my youngest sister wasn't spanked and they have problems with her now.)

But with my 23-month old son, I've realized that sometimes, spanking is necessary, both for a child's physical and moral safety. If you can't teach a child obedience when he is two years old, don't expect to be able to teach him when he is five, and God help you when he is fifteen! A disobedient child hurts not only his parents but most of all, himself.

I spank my kid, one to three slaps on his bottom or hand, when he disobeys me. This means I only repeat an order once (just in case he didn't hear the first time). And he gets spanked repeatedly until he obeys. BUT I NEVER SPANK WHEN I AM ANGRY. [B]This is the big difference between disciplining the child and abusing him. Kids can sense when you are lovingly correcting them, and when you are simply venting out anger (even if you think you are still correcting).

And while I never hug immediately after I spank, I hug a lot the rest of the time and make sure he knows that mommy loves him very, very much.

For the record, after two weeks of spanking, my baby seldom needs to be spanked now. Now, I have a great kid who will never run across the street if mommy tells him to stay, comes when he is called (great for kids who tend to run away in the direction of escalators or moving vehicles), shares, keeps his toys and is praised a lot for it, and stays in bed at bedtime and sleeps with a smiling mommy instead of a frustrated one. He laughs and smiles and says "I love you" impulsively, and for a kid who gets spanked, he sure doesn't look abused.

[msbles]

My son is turning 2years old less than 1 month from now. He's very makulit and we sometimes spank him (can't help really). I've tried other tricks too(not talking to him, putting him in a secluded place, etc) but to no avail. Nasa stage talaga ata nila yan. Problem ko lang is, whenever I spank him, parang nae-enjoy pa nya. Is there a problem with him?

Just curious: bakit mo nasabing parang nae-enjoy nya?

[cmars2]

^^ kasi when I spank him, he laughs at me or he runs around the house na nagpapahabol pa. and to think that i don't even smile or treat spanking as a game. para sa kanya part yon ng game, ang spanking.

i tried to talk to him about his behavior and he seems to understand, pero minsan di talaga maiwasan yung corporal punishment eh. are there any other ways of disciplining?

[kcaj]

^^my son is like that as well. hes 18months old now...when i spank him parang wala lang sa kanya, tapos pag nilakasan ko lang ng konti, ganun din parang deadma lang sha...pero pag meron **** shang gusto at di ko binigay and he still insists tapos pinalo ko sa hand, dun lang sha iiyak...but most of the time tlgang hindi sha agad iiyak when i spank him. my hubby said siguro dw malakas ang tolerance nya sa pain...i dont know if i should be worried or not..but shempre nakakaguilty when you spank them kaya lang even if i said NO a hundred times and in different tones na galit, wala **** eh....

[Juno]

personally, i think spanking is a necessity as long as it's done the right way. like many of you mentioned, never hit/spank/shout/etc. in rage. There really will be times when your child will be extremely unreasonable, disrespect you and will try to push your buttons, no matter what you do, and he should learn that's not acceptable.

my sister has a time out chair for her sons. when they're being very unreasonable, she lets them stay in the time out chair. when time is up and they're still being bad, she lets them stay on the chair again. on strike three, they get spanked. she explains to them why she has to do that. she spanks them just enough so it hurts a little but not so painful that it's abusive na.

basta if it's used and done correctly, spanking is very effective. and of course at the right age - when kids know right from wrong na and you should never spank a teen!

avonlea, i have to (humbly) disagree on the article you posted...especially point 4 and 8. It's not true that the verse on "spare the rod" is misinterpreted..it will take some research on my part for me to post some proof on that, but hubby & i have studied that in the past and it's definitely about the correct way to discipline a child. Spanking by discipline is very biblical. GOD himself punishes his children. Here is a commentary: http://lastdaysministry.com/spanking.htm

Point 8 sounds extremely Freudian! In my opinion, Freud is one sick dirty old man! :lol: Seriously. I studied a little bit of psych in HS and dropped the subject 'cause they were teaching us Freud and it was all so screwed up!!!

All the other points in that article are not true if discipline by spanking is done correctly. However f you are abusive or spank in rage, then yes, those points are very valid.

In my own personal experience, I know spanking is very effective. Among all my siblings, I was the only one who was not spanked, except once (and it didn't even hurt!). I think it's because i am the youngest of my siblings and my mom died when i was 5 so maybe my dad felt sorry for me or something. In some studies, it shows that children who are spanked (the correct way) are less rebelious during teenage years than those who weren't. I think I can attest to that... :D I hate to admit it, but I was the most rebelious and disrespectful one among all my siblings and got into a lot of shouting sprees with my dad, whereas my other siblings never or rarely ever did!

Of course, it all boils down to your own personal decision. Your kids are your own :)

[cmars2]

kcaj maybe matindi lang ang tolerance ng mga anak natim sa pain kaya ganun. my son says sorry naman kapag alam nyang nagkamali sya pero ginagawa pa rin nya ulit. kelangan lang constant reminder para di na maulit. minsan din dapat i bribe eh/

[chinita_grl]

i think also mas nagiging matalino ang bata pag hindi pinapalo... and mas may confidence nga sa sarili

[msbles]

Maybe, mommies, we should clarify what we mean by spanking. May I suggest that when we use the term, it means:
-hitting the child hard enough so it hurts (kcaj and cmars2, my baby acted like he didn't feel anything either, but it was effective anyway. Don't let him run away, though.)
-NOT hitting the child hard enough to damage his flesh (no bruises, no welts)
-NEVER hitting when in anger (when you're angry YOU need a time out)
-the number of hits may vary (I usually do one to three, on ANY exposed skin, except on his head)

Mommies, please modify these definitions as you see fit.

chinita_grl, I hope you don't mind if I disagree. My brother and I were spanked and we turned out -- modesty aside -- much more intelligent than our sister who was not. (And we have the documents to prove it :)) But we were spanked, not physically abused.

[psychosonicindy]

i agree with u, msbles, that children shd never be spanked in rage.my unica hija is now 8 but i still remember her at that age...they don't call them the terrible twos for nothing!:grrr: Admittedly, she is rather "manhid" and mana siya sa hubby ko na mataas talaga ang threshold niya for pain..she participates competitively in taekwondo now but i believe that all kids of that age (2-3)really go through that stage...I remember an awful stage where we always used to spank her and i noticed that after the first couple of times,she started to say "it doesn't hurt" with a very uncharacteristic rebellious tone of voice and I was shocked because that meant that(she just used to cry and yell before that) we had to spank her harder for spanking to be effective until what? Until she's black and blue? Until we need to use foreign objects(belts, belt handles, kawayan etc) on her? So itinigil namin kasi parang lalong tumitigas yung loob niya and whatever anyone else says, spanking was hard not only on her bottom but on our hearts...I was spanked, pinched,had my ears tweaked and verbally abused by my parents...since this is the "filipino" way to raise children according to them...but i really wanted it to be different with my daughter so.....
we found my daughter's weakness bec she's just so talkative and it's pure torture for her to be ignored by people so when we punished her after that, we would instruct everybody in the house NOT to talk to her and to ignore her, furthermore, we kept her (but not locked up)in a separate room of the house while she ranted and raved, cried, begged and pleaded...in short, till naubos yung energy niya. Oh granted, it's bloody noisy for a few hours (it's gonna feel like forever) but we just really controlled ourselves and did something else and usually, she'd just drift off to sleep....
or when she'd quietened down and seemed rather contrite, then we'd talk to her and explain why she had been punished...:depressed:
i think spanking is only effective because of its shock value,hence its success with younger kids. tip:smack them RIGHT AFTER the offence, not 5 minutes later or 20 minutes later or when daddy gets home so the msg is driven home right away. with my daughter who is now 8, spanking is quite rare but that's only because nagging is more effective now LOL and always, always, always explain to them (when they've calmed down) WHY they were punished so u separate the deed from the child..."Mommy/Daddy still love me but not what I did" (hopefully, they get that msg)
as for spanking techniques, i guess it differs for everyone....and 1 of the mommies said that when you're NOT punishing ur child, u shd be hugging him/her a lot. Right on!*okay*
I was spanked a great deal, along with my sister and brother (and my parents were never affectionate,anyway) I went through a very rebellious phase but I don't really think that spanking contributed to that...I have a great family life now and I think (sometimes) that our daughter is turning out ok but as a parent, u just have doubts, u know? I mean, u don't get progress reports or anything about raising ur kids...only time will tell....(good God, but i want to know now! haha)
Whatever method u choose to discipline ur kids, I believe consistency is key and not the technique and that as parents, u try to keep ur cool (oh god, is it hard!) while punishing ur kids and of course, after that, communicate, communicate, communicate...
I also think it's heartbreaking when parents punish their kids in public in front of whoever happens to be watching bec they hope that they'll embarass their kids enough to behave but if we don't like to be embarrassed, how do u think our kids feel? No one deserves that...kung nagwawala anak niyo sa mall, grocery etc, drag them into a corner, wait till the sobs subside and attempt to reason or better yet, tell them "we're not moving from this spot until u calm down" but don't insult them or scold them...do that in the car or at home so u don't look like that monster parent or worse, mag-mukha kayong jologs...:rotflmao:
Lord have mercy on us poor parents, who sometimes have no clue whether we're doing the right thing....;)
Now, does anyone have any suggestions on disciplining older kids? Help!

[tantra]

I have a two year old daughter, and to those who have kids, they call this as the "terrible two's stage." They always say no to everything and does everything opposite of what you want. If she's having tantrums, we just let her cry her lungs out until she's tired, as long as she's safe and not hurt, we try our best to ignore her (if you're a mom, you know how difficult this is). Or we tell her that she can talk to us why she needs it, and if it's reasonable, maybe, she can get what she wants. So far, she has come out disciplined and well-mannered as compared to other children her age, and many people are quite surprised. I believe we should explain to the children why it is wrong and not just making up something and just saying because it's bad. Why is it bad? How bad is it? But if you really can't help yourself and hit your child (out of anger and frustration), don't hit too hard and give him/her loads of hugs and kisses after it's over. It's important to explain why you did that and what she did was wrong. And also consider his/her age, if s/he's just in pre-school or grade one or two, we are naturally born naughty, and may not know the difference between right and wrong. If your child won't do a timeout, put her outside the room and let cry.

I was a battered kid as a child, same w/ my 2 sisters and bro. I, being the eldest, gets the beating most of the time coz since I am older, I should be acting more "mature." We get punished for such mundane things, like not answering when our dad called us, even if he's on the other side of the big house of my grandparents, and let us kneel w/ our arms raised horizontally for an hour, if our hands get tired, he'll kick us, and hit us again. One time, my dad put my youngest sister inside an oven (good thing, he didn't turn it on) and closed it for several minutes w/ my sister screaming inside, and he put my brother inside the rattan seat and keep on hitting the seat w/ a basketball...I find it so unreasonable because we were so young that time. Our dad studied karate and was almost a black belter, so you can imagine how heavy his hands are, we would prefer to have a leather belt hit us rather than his hands. Although we were "disciplined" like that, not all of us came out well. My youngest sister, she came out pretty rebellious and isn't talking to my mom for God knows since when. She answers back at my parents, curses them in their faces, and blames them for what she has become. We grew up hating our dad, until now, whenever we talk, it's like we're biz partners, you know, no affection. Just like talking to a stranger. I guess you can say, we "behave" out of fear of being lashed at and not because we respect him as a person.

Hitting a child so young will make him/her think that it's ok to hit other children. When s/he goes to school and will hit a classmate and then you'll reprimand him/her, it will confuse him/her why you can hit and s/he can't.

[tantra]

hi psychosonicindy...ndi ko na binasa buong thread...hehe hanggang 2nd page pa lang ako...pero halos pareho pala tayo ng sinabi...hehe

[starchase]

I once or twice had a couple of terrible two's

but right now i have a terrible teen...and i just realized that having a teen is harder then having a terrible two..

[msbles]

tantra, thank you for sharing your story. I think, this is unfortunately common in our generation, that our parents like to wait until they get angry before they spank us, then beat us until THEY feel better. Some of us are lucky enough to grow up decent anyway, and some of us are scarred for life, like your sister (can't blame her, poor girl).

I guess, this is why we need to redefine the term spanking. Because if we think of it in the way most of our parents used it, it should definitely not be done!

Here's a link on how spanking SHOULD be done, even the necessary modifications for VERY young children: http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=35

Starchase, psychosonicindy, for disciplining teens (we definitely can't spank them), check out this site: http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=31

[starchase]

^^
that's not really my concern...i have a wonderful teen daughter...my concern when comes to me whenever she's having a problem at school /peer pressure...dealing with other children her age..and other's teen age stuff...

I don't spank my daughter...i have no reason to.

[Leviticus 20]

http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2008/jun/08061909.html

"No corporal punishment would be allowed, either by an educator, the mother, the father or someone acting for them,"

[JUST_JT]

If so, do you believe that it is a parent's right to inflict physical punishment on a child for disciplinary purposes.



If not, do you believe that corporal punishment should be outlawed?


"SMACKING, long used by parents to discipline naughty children, could cause more than tears.

"Research revealed it can also lower a child's IQ, with those smacked up to three times a week having a lower IQ due to psychological stress.

"US-based sociologist Professor Murray Straus, who studied the impact of smacking for 40 years, likened the effects of corporal punishment to post-traumatic stress, affecting a child's mental development..."

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/spanking-long-used-by-parents-to-discipline-naughty-children-can/story-e6frf00i-1225779278575

-Just_JT
I.don't.believe.in.corporal.punishment.

[...wakaranai]

my parents never smacked me and my brothers.
at sa tingin ko, lumaki naman kami ng maayos.
i don't believe that you should hurt your child physically as a form of punishment or discipline.

[TheClockWorks7]

well sabi ng catholic church bambuhin daw mga bata pag pasaway. si just jt example yan ng batang laging binabambo

[rendaku]

I believe in the system of reward and punishment. As much as parents should fulfill a child’s expectation for and appreciation of a reward, being a motivation to achieve, accomplish or obey, the child should also understand why he is whacked (not with the hand—NO, NO-- but with a belt or rod). ( I am against “pingot”- pinching the ear or sidelocks--which I remember irritated me more than made me remember my wrong.) The child should understand what’s going on. Also, the parents should administer corporal punishment with only one reason: to punish the child for the wrong he did. Whacking should not be done in fury, anger, disappointment, paranoia, nor to embarrass the child, but done with a clear mind and objective. And after all the punishment, the parents should make the child feel their support for him by giving him the attention, affection and esteeming that he needs. Failing these, the child would only inculcate in his mind the punishment and animosity, perceiving he is not having any support system in the family, hence, he turns to his peers and seek from other places the support, esteeming appreciation and acceptance that he hungers for.

[chatin_12]

pede naman ***** paluin simpleng pagtapik sa Kamay o Puwet ng Bata para lang magtanda.
mahirap kcng maspoiled ang bata.
like me i have 2 yrs old going to 3 yrs old daughter..
ayaw ko *** paluin talaga kaya minsan kinakausap ko *** ng masinsinan na mali ang mga gingawa nya.
pero pagsumobra inexplain ko sa kanya na pwede ko *** tapikin para magtanda ***.
pero bihirang bihira ko gawin un pag sumobra lang..
kc ayaw ko din masaktan ang anak ko lalo nat saakin *** ng galing..;)

[glamorous03]

pede .. wag lang grabe na dumurugu na ang bata LOL... wag lang masyadong marahas..

[chatin_12]

pede .. wag lang grabe na dumurugu na ang bata LOL... wag lang masyadong marahas..

oo naman baka makasuhan kana ng CHIL ABUSE nun:rolleyes:

[glamorous03]

nakuu... anong kaso? walang kaso kaso sa pinas...LOL maraming ganyan ang sitwasyon sa pinas... and they get away with it.. tsk tsk tsk..

a change is necessary..

[jazzmine22]

Pinapalo ko ang anak ko kapag kinausap ko na verbally pero inulit pa din yung masama niyang ginawa, pero sa pwhet lang, using tsinelas.

Afterwards, ine-explain ko sa kanya na hindi maganda yung ginawa niya, kaya siya napalo, kaya kung ayaw niya mapalo, huwag na niya uulitin.

Kaya ngayon, pag may hindi maganda siyang nagawa, tinatanong ko muna, "anak, hindi maganda yan, huwag mo na gawin, gusto mo ba ng palo?"

sasagot naman siya, na ayaw niya, and hindi na niya uulitin yung ginagawa niyang not good.

Kaya bibihira ko na siya mapalo ngayon, kasi tingin ko pa lang, she knows na dapat siyang sumunod sa akin, kung hindi mapapalo siya.

Yung pinsan ko, hindi pinapalo yung anak, ayun one time, tinutukan sila ng kutsilyo, sabi "gusto mo mama, saksakin kita eh!", tapos sasawayin lang ng pinsan ko ng "________, tigilan mo na yan.

He's a spoiled child, and hindi ako magugulat kung lumaki yung matigas ang ulo at pasaway, kahit hindi pinapalo.

Para sa akin, walang masama sa pagpalo ng bata, dapat lang never use your hands (use that in hugging and caressing them), at sa tamang lugar, at i-explain mo kung anong reason bakit mo ginawa yun.

Pinapalo din kami ng kapatid ko nung mga bata pa kami ng parents namin, okay naman, lumaki naman kaming matino, at mahal pa din namin parents namin at yung regarding sa IQ? I don't believe in that, matalino naman kapatid ko. :)


Iba naman kasi ang palo, sa gulpi, i think pag gulpi na, yun ang child abuse.

[lark_2007]

Yes. If the child is hard to bear with calm words, the he should learn the hard way.

Gulpi is another story though. ;)

[chatin_12]

Pinapalo ko ang anak ko kapag kinausap ko na verbally pero inulit pa din yung masama niyang ginawa, pero sa pwhet lang, using tsinelas.

Afterwards, ine-explain ko sa kanya na hindi maganda yung ginawa niya, kaya siya napalo, kaya kung ayaw niya mapalo, huwag na niya uulitin.

Kaya ngayon, pag may hindi maganda siyang nagawa, tinatanong ko muna, "anak, hindi maganda yan, huwag mo na gawin, gusto mo ba ng palo?"

sasagot naman siya, na ayaw niya, and hindi na niya uulitin yung ginagawa niyang not good.

Kaya bibihira ko na siya mapalo ngayon, kasi tingin ko pa lang, she knows na dapat siyang sumunod sa akin, kung hindi mapapalo siya.

Yung pinsan ko, hindi pinapalo yung anak, ayun one time, tinutukan sila ng kutsilyo, sabi "gusto mo mama, saksakin kita eh!", tapos sasawayin lang ng pinsan ko ng "________, tigilan mo na yan.

He's a spoiled child, and hindi ako magugulat kung lumaki yung matigas ang ulo at pasaway, kahit hindi pinapalo.

Para sa akin, walang masama sa pagpalo ng bata, dapat lang never use your hands (use that in hugging and caressing them), at sa tamang lugar, at i-explain mo kung anong reason bakit mo ginawa yun.

Pinapalo din kami ng kapatid ko nung mga bata pa kami ng parents namin, okay naman, lumaki naman kaming matino, at mahal pa din namin parents namin at yung regarding sa IQ? I don't believe in that, matalino naman kapatid ko. :)


Iba naman kasi ang palo, sa gulpi, i think pag gulpi na, yun ang child abuse.

agree ako sa lahat ng ***** mo .
ganyan din *** anak ng kapatid ko hindi nila pinapalo *** anak nila tapos pag my ginawang d maganda imbes na sawayin tinatawanan pa.
kc bata paraw
ang sa akin ok lang na paluin mo ang bata pa bata magtanda at para alam nya ang tama at mali
kc **** kami pinapalo din kami ngparents ko nung bata kami
pero 3 kaming magkakapatid but were still ok and **** papaano were successfull naman kaya d me naniniwala na bababa ang IQ ng batang pinapalo

[jazzmine22]

well sabi ng catholic church bambuhin daw mga bata pag pasaway. si just jt example yan ng batang laging binabambo

our theology professor never taught this to us when we had our lesson in marriage and family theology.

sino ang nagsabi then?

[glamorous03]

i believe si MOSES..
forgot what verse tho... pero im still unsure about this...OK hehe
pero i did read it somewhere in the bible..

[crocopie]

Yes, but only as a last resort.

One more thing Just_JT, the news article carries too little information. The sociologist did not mention about social class and schools the children went in. I mean the "smarter" children in the study might have had wealthier parents and had gone to better schools. They had better access to facilities that stimulate their thinking and such improve their intelligence. Of course, poorer and less smarter parents are more likely to spank their children.

[art727]

dito sa amerika me kilala ako na sobra na ang kanyang anak na kapag sasabihan niya ng mapapalo siya..sagot sa kanya..isusumbong kita sa mga pulis..at yun parati ang panakot kaya yung kaibigan ko parati na lang panakot at panay naman gawa din ng kalokohan ang anak niya dahil nga baka ka nga magsumbong sa pulisya..isang beses ay gumawa ng kalokohan yung (ditching) hindi pumasok at nahuli ng school security at ipinatawag siya..dito pinalo na talaga niya ang anak niya(btw, his son is 15yo) isinumbong siya at nagkaroon ng kaso at katitik na siyang makulong at makuha ang kanyang anak ng social welfare..dito nagalit ang kaibigan ko at ipinagbili ang kanilang bahay at nagalsa balutan at umuwi sa Cebu kasama ang anak na gumawa ng gulo kasama ang asawa at duon ay tumira sila ng anim na buwan..at ginulpi niya ang kanyang anak at pinagtrabaho ng trabahong probinsiya..at sinabi daw niya sige magsumbong ka ngayon! tumino ang kanyang anak at sinabi sa kanya na magbabago na raw siya..at ayun bumalik uli sila..

Ang mahirap nga diyan ay sinasabihan ng mga guro ang mga bata na kung sasaktan sila ng mga magulang nila ay ireport agad sa maykapangyarihan...at nawawala na tuloy ang pang disiplinang pagpalo sa mga anak dahil nga tatakutin ka ng isusumbong ka nila..Ako? napapalo ako kapag may ginawa akong di mabuti..pero ngayon? tatakutin ka ng mga anak mo!!!:angry:

[bambi7]

art727, that's a very ugly and sad scenario. I'm not in favor of this kind of discipline coz my parents never did it to me, pero kung sobra na, siguro entitled yung parents na paluin ang anak.

[art727]

art727, that's a very ugly and sad scenario. I'm not in favor of this kind of discipline coz my parents never did it to me, pero kung sobra na, siguro entitled yung parents na paluin ang anak.

Pero sa totoo sabi ng kaibigan ko ipinakita niya ang hirap nila sa probinsiya..walang moviehouse dahil sa probinsiya siya nakatira at malayo sa siyudad..hindi niya ibinili ng mga damit at ayun naranasan ng bata yung hirap sa probinsiya..sabi ng kaibigan ko hindi daw niya ginasta ang pinagbilihan sa bahay niya ibinangko niya at ng bumalik daw siya ibang-iba na daw ang kanyang anak at bumili ulit sila ng bahay..yung bakasyon niya ay 6 na buwan walang suweldeo na may kondisyon na babalik siya agad-agad..kaya nakareserba ang kanyang posisyon..ang asawa naman niya ay walang problema dahil nars siya.:bashful:

[Triglyceride2]

oh shoot..I'd had my share of smacking (to put it lightly :D )

I'd smack my kids too (but only as a last resort), if any other forms of discipline will not work (time out for example).

[infinite_trial]

ayaw ko sa palo kasi napapalo din ako dati kahit walang kasalanan. tinanong ko nanay ko noon kung bakit pinapalo nya ako nung bata ako pero yung kapatid ko ngayon hindi...makulit daw kasi ako nung bata ako pabili daw ako ng pabili. pero di naman nya ako binibili :lol:

ngayon nga lang nalayo ako nag-eexpress ang nanay ko na mahal nya ko, namimiss nya ko...kaya nung bata ako napapalo, feeling ko di nya ako mahal. parang yung frustration nya sa buhay ay binubuhos nya sa akin. ang tatay ko kasi nasa abroad kaya kami lang dalawa magkasama. 10 taon pa ako bago nasundan.

dapat kasi pag bata pa siguro alam ng anak kung sino ang may authority sa bahay. parusahan, pero wag paluin. kung di magkasundo sa paraan ng pagpapalaki ang magulang, wag magkontrahan sa harapan ng anak...kasi magiging dating nun lalapit yung anak sa mas mabait na parent para maspoil sya. para naman di feeling ng bata na kinakawawa, dapat may reward din sya kapag may magandang ginawa.

[cyberfunk]

Yes depende sa offense ng bata. Kung nagtatantrum ang bata don't hit them. Just let them lash out mapapagod din yun. Pero kung may definite na ginawang masama yung bata a spank or two would be ok. Pero give them time to anticipate the coming punishment. Yung oras na yun ang mahalaga. Gives them time to think and even plead. Pero you have to be firm kailangan ituloy. Pero once you spank them make them feel it. Hindi yung parang pat lang. After nun tama na. You have to be calm yourself. Dont hit with uncontrolled anger.

Pero pinaka magandang alternative is just to sent them to their rooms and dont let them come out and eat. Let them miss dinner hanggang kinabukasan. They will sit in their room and comtemplate with their mistake. Don't send up food even if they ask. Di naman mamatay yan sa hunger eh. Let them sit there and brood.

[chatin_12]

dito sa amerika me kilala ako na sobra na ang kanyang anak na kapag sasabihan niya ng mapapalo siya..sagot sa kanya..isusumbong kita sa mga pulis..at yun parati ang panakot kaya yung kaibigan ko parati na lang panakot at panay naman gawa din ng kalokohan ang anak niya dahil nga baka ka nga magsumbong sa pulisya..isang beses ay gumawa ng kalokohan yung (ditching) hindi pumasok at nahuli ng school security at ipinatawag siya..dito pinalo na talaga niya ang anak niya(btw, his son is 15yo) isinumbong siya at nagkaroon ng kaso at katitik na siyang makulong at makuha ang kanyang anak ng social welfare..dito nagalit ang kaibigan ko at ipinagbili ang kanilang bahay at nagalsa balutan at umuwi sa Cebu kasama ang anak na gumawa ng gulo kasama ang asawa at duon ay tumira sila ng anim na buwan..at ginulpi niya ang kanyang anak at pinagtrabaho ng trabahong probinsiya..at sinabi daw niya sige magsumbong ka ngayon! tumino ang kanyang anak at sinabi sa kanya na magbabago na raw siya..at ayun bumalik uli sila..

Ang mahirap nga diyan ay sinasabihan ng mga guro ang mga bata na kung sasaktan sila ng mga magulang nila ay ireport agad sa maykapangyarihan...at nawawala na tuloy ang pang disiplinang pagpalo sa mga anak dahil nga tatakutin ka ng isusumbong ka nila..Ako? napapalo ako kapag may ginawa akong di mabuti..pero ngayon? tatakutin ka ng mga anak mo!!!:angry:



D TULAD DITO SA ATIN SA PHILS.:rolleyes:

[chatin_12]

Pero pinaka magandang alternative is just to sent them to their rooms and dont let them come out and eat. Let them miss dinner hanggang kinabukasan. They will sit in their room and comtemplate with their mistake. Don't send up food even if they ask. Di naman mamatay yan sa hunger eh. Let them sit there and brood.[/QUOTE]

GRABE NAMAN *** NAISIP.
***** nga maganda na ikulong *** sa room to make him/ her dicipline kc sa room dun mo *** kausapin na mali ang gingawa nya at wag na ulitin para d u *** paluin o ikulong dun
pero kung gugutumin mo... mali ata un
baka lalong magrebelde
that's what i think lang ****;)

[cyberfunk]

Believe me it works.. Way better than spanking or screaming at them.

[JUST_JT]

My take on discipline: not spanking children doesn't mean spoiling them. I never believed in corporal punishment. My kids when they were minors know me as a liberal parent but if they violate rules, they get a piece of my mind. How did I punish my misbehaving children? I deprive them of things valuable to them. That means no TV time, no games, no going out, etc. When children are deprived of things valuable to them, they start to think of the their actions.

Corporal punishment is short lived. If you're son is 5 years old and smaller than you, sure you can inflict smacking. What if he's 15 years old bigger and taller than you? How do you inflict smacking in that situation?

Furthermore, violence begets violence. If you smack your children, they will do the same in school or with other people.

It's really a matter of how children see you. I remember my sister-in-law was here at my home with her three children. It was late but she couldn't get them to pack up and leave. So she asked me to talk to her children. All I told my nieces and nephew is in a firm voice it's time to pack up. I grabbed the Nintendo Wii thingamajig and they were out the door in five seconds. She's too soft on her own children.

Teach people to respect you and that includes children, no matter of age. Inflicting physical pain is unnecessary and sometimes destructive. And remember, someday the roles will be reversed. Someday we'll all get old and our children will choose our senior homes. If you treat your children well, maybe they'll treat you well back and not abandon you in some dungeon of a senior home.

-Just_JT
Children.have.brains.and.they.can.think.too.

[BeerhandBop]

^ Why do you have 2 registration dates? may 2006 and sep 2009? care to explain your h4xing skilz?

u.r.a.1337.h4x0r!

[TheClockWorks7]

My take on discipline: not spanking children doesn't mean spoiling them. I never believed in corporal punishment. My kids when they were minors know me as a liberal parent but if they violate rules, they get a piece of my mind. How did I punish my misbehaving children? I deprive them of things valuable to them. That means no TV time, no games, no going out, etc. When children are deprived of things valuable to them, they start to think of the their actions.

Corporal punishment is short lived. If you're son is 5 years old and smaller than you, sure you can inflict smacking. What if he's 15 years old bigger and taller than you? How do you inflict smacking in that situation?

Furthermore, violence begets violence. If you smack your children, they will do the same in school or with other people.

It's really a matter of how children see you. I remember my sister-in-law was here at my home with her three children. It was late but she couldn't get them to pack up and leave. So she asked me to talk to her children. All I told my nieces and nephew is in a firm voice it's time to pack up. I grabbed the Nintendo Wii thingamajig and they were out the door in five seconds. She's too soft on her own children.

Teach people to respect you and that includes children, no matter of age. Inflicting physical pain is unnecessary and sometimes destructive. And remember, someday the roles will be reversed. Someday we'll all get old and our children will choose our senior homes. If you treat your children well, maybe they'll treat you well back and not abandon you in some dungeon of a senior home.

-Just_JT
Children.have.brains.and.they.can.think.too.

i totally agree with this.

when i was in the philippines my auntie used to listen to this christian talk show on AM Radio. they were discussing discipline and smacking children... this priest came on... he mentioned about what jesus said in the bible... lam nyo na yung bambuhin nyo ang bata pag makulit... then he says if yer baby is crying, smack the baby once. now because you smacked the baby naturally the baby will be screaming. now he pointed out that at this point, what the baby is displaying is rage. rage because you smacked him/her. and that is disrespectful sabi nya. you must now smack even more hehehehe. i wanted to come charging at the radio station and smack the priest around. he doesnt even have kids to begin with so what does he know? i just thought it was sick and disgusting and it is something that i will not do to my kids. smacking, hitting yer kids really wont get you nowhere. they will become resentful and it is something that will haunt both of you in the future. :)

[wing_commander]

For me, there's a lot of factors to consider.

> the age of the child,
>second the severity of the smacking,
> how many times you tried to talk it over to the child but still he/she do the same misbehavior
> how and where you hit the child.
> explaining before and after spanking

Discipline can also be taught by example.

[jayr.santos]

Discipline can also be taught by example.

correct. you don't need to smack your children with this one.

[Krayon]

spanking is an extremely effective technique, and it's very condensed in its meaning. however, I do think it is lazy and unneeded, given how much privileged today's kids get.

that said, a proper time-out is a godsend (do parents here even have a time-out chair/area in their house?).

[jorrgav]

half hearted ako sa issue na to. my siblings and i were raised in a corporal way. both our parents, namamalo talaga, especially our mother na ginawang hobby ang pamamalo sa amin.

half hearted because for me, hindi dapat sinasaktan ang mga bata, having been raised in such a way, i wouldn't wish for any kids to experience what i've went through.

but then hindi naman ako lumaking pariwara (although i cannot say the same for my sister). dahil namamalo ang parents namin, takot ako nung magkamali. so habang yung mga kababata ko pag-boboyfriend ang inaatupag when we were in high school, pag-aaral ang inaatupag ko.

i guess, it's really up to the parents how they want to raise their children. iba-iba kasi ang dating nyan sa tao. there are those na kayang malagpasan ang psychological trauma at lumalaking maayos, meron namang lalong nagrerebelde at nasisira ang buhay.

[einhander]

ok lang sa kin ang palo, basta palo lang na hindi mainit ang ulo, palong may pangaral, wag yung basta hinampas lang yung bata na di alam ng bata yung dahilan.

[yellowdancer]

50/50 ako dito.

Siguro dahil hindi kami napalo ng parents namin (as far as I can remember). Kami daw kasi yung mga "batang nakukuha sa tingin". Kapag may nagawa kaming hindi maganda, isang tingin lang ng mama ko, umaayos na kami.

But my parents have this saying na :Bigyan mo ng "isa" yan, tingnan ko lang kung umulit pa yan". Meaning isang matinding punishment (palo) lang, titino na. Effective to sa mga nieces and nephews ko eh.

Pero may mga bata kasi na kahit hambalusin mo na hindi pa rin tumitigil. Hindi mo maiwasan maubusan ng pasensya.

[JUST_JT]

Another take on why I think corporal punishment is ineffective: it makes people become afraid to make mistakes. I think this is why many people raised in 'Pinas, where corporal punishment is common, are shy and timid whilst Pinoys raised in other countries who did not receive physical punishment are extroverted and outgoing.

People should not be afraid to make mistakes because mistakes are a learning tool. People make mistakes when they stretch their boundaries. People who don't make mistakes never tried hard enough. As the cliché goes, "Wisdom comes from good judgement, good judgement comes from bad judgement."

Rather than being physically punished, children should be taught to realise and face the consequences of their actions. I strongly believe that children are intelligent and can be negotiated with. I believe children who don't listen don't do so because their parents are too lazy to make the effort of explaining things. The common lazy way of "Do as you are told" or "Basta sumunod ka, wala nang tanong-tanong" just doesn't cut it. I personally will not conform to anything if I don't see the value of doing it. I do things not because I'm told to do so but because they are the right things to do.

I strongly believe physical punishment for children has no place in modern society.

-Just_JT
Timid.rhymes.with.stupid.

[JUST_JT]

Pero may mga bata kasi na kahit hambalusin mo na hindi pa rin tumitigil. Hindi mo maiwasan maubusan ng pasensya.

I was one of those. I was not intimidated by physical punishment. Inflicting pain on me just made me more resentful. If I didn't understand why I have to do things, I will not do them. Only when I understood why I do things did I do them.

Am I still resentful today? Of course not. My parents and elders were just doing what they thought was right. You can only do what you know. Now that I know better, I did not inflict physical punishment with my children when they were young. Today they are mild-mannered and sensible adults.

-Just_JT
I.was.never.a.timid.child.

[boyaxx]

Sure, but I eat pre-cum which contains MILLIONS of sperm cells.

-Just_JT
Strength.in.sperm.numbers.take.once.a.day

tsk tsk..
smacking is a serious thing. ;)

[f0rk]

panggulo yang JUST JT na yan na Sept2009 ang join date.

[pecanpie]

i totally agree with this.

when i was in the philippines my auntie used to listen to this christian talk show on AM Radio. they were discussing discipline and smacking children... this priest came on... he mentioned about what jesus said in the bible... lam nyo na yung bambuhin nyo ang bata pag makulit... then he says if yer baby is crying, smack the baby once. now because you smacked the baby naturally the baby will be screaming. now he pointed out that at this point, what the baby is displaying is rage. rage because you smacked him/her. and that is disrespectful sabi nya. you must now smack even more hehehehe. i wanted to come charging at the radio station and smack the priest around. he doesnt even have kids to begin with so what does he know? i just thought it was sick and disgusting and it is something that i will not do to my kids. smacking, hitting yer kids really wont get you nowhere. they will become resentful and it is something that will haunt both of you in the future. :)


smacking a baby? WTF!! tonto!!
yung pari kaya ang paluin para matauhan! nabubuhay pa sa panahon ng mga kastila!

[mententen]

bwahahahahaha! nakakatawa tong si JUST_JT! di ba sya yung mahilig magpamove ng mga thread na nasa wrong section? bakit namove tong thread nya na to? bwahahahaha!

[ibarramedia]

My take on discipline: not spanking children doesn't mean spoiling them. I never believed in corporal punishment. My kids when they were minors know me as a liberal parent but if they violate rules, they get a piece of my mind. How did I punish my misbehaving children? I deprive them of things valuable to them. That means no TV time, no games, no going out, etc. When children are deprived of things valuable to them, they start to think of the their actions.

Corporal punishment is short lived. If you're son is 5 years old and smaller than you, sure you can inflict smacking. What if he's 15 years old bigger and taller than you? How do you inflict smacking in that situation?

Furthermore, violence begets violence. If you smack your children, they will do the same in school or with other people.

It's really a matter of how children see you. I remember my sister-in-law was here at my home with her three children. It was late but she couldn't get them to pack up and leave. So she asked me to talk to her children. All I told my nieces and nephew is in a firm voice it's time to pack up. I grabbed the Nintendo Wii thingamajig and they were out the door in five seconds. She's too soft on her own children.

Teach people to respect you and that includes children, no matter of age. Inflicting physical pain is unnecessary and sometimes destructive. And remember, someday the roles will be reversed. Someday we'll all get old and our children will choose our senior homes. If you treat your children well, maybe they'll treat you well back and not abandon you in some dungeon of a senior home.

-Just_JT
Children.have.brains.and.they.can.think.too.


Agreed x2. Spanking is illegal here and you could get locked up. If a child acts up talk to them and send them to time out to cool off. Explain the consequences of their actions. There is really no need to hit the childeren. Parents should also use active listening and be consistent. Reward good behavior and say thank you for doing it. Positive reinforcement is the key. A little bit of negotiating is good. ie, if a kid acts up, tell them they won't go to the park or do something they like. Most parents or couples about to be wed should take parenting classes or seminars to help them when they have kids.

[ibarramedia]

Rather than being physically punished, children should be taught to realise and face the consequences of their actions. I strongly believe that children are intelligent and can be negotiated with. I believe children who don't listen don't do so because their parents are too lazy to make the effort of explaining things. The common lazy way of "Do as you are told" or "Basta sumunod ka, wala nang tanong-tanong" just doesn't cut it. I personally will not conform to anything if I don't see the value of doing it. I do things not because I'm told to do so but because they are the right things to do.

I strongly believe physical punishment for children has no place in modern society.

-Just_JT
Timid.rhymes.with.stupid.

Do as I say not as I do does not work in this day and age. I agree about facing the consequences of their actions. Good post. *okay*

[chrajsiel]

Ako, hindi din ako namamalo. Di ako naniniwala sa pamamalo pero siguro kung sobra-sobra-sobra na as in di na nakikinig sa kahit anong means, baka mamalo rin ako. So far, bata pa yung anak ko at nakikinig naman.

Yung anak ko, 3 years old pa lang nadadaan sa galit kong boses o kaya yung magagalit ako tapos bigla akong tatahimik na kahit anong gawin nya di na ako nagsasalita tapos seryoso pa mukha ko. Saka pag may pinapagawa or pinagbabawal ako sa kanya nagtatanong sya ng "because what?" o kaya "why, mama?" Pag sinabi ko sa kanya yung reason ginagawa naman nya. Tapos natatandaan na nya. Ganon din sa nagaalaga sa kanya, pag may pinagbabawal sa kanya, nagtatanong din sya ng "because what?" or pag gusto nya ulit gawin yung pinagbabawal sa kanya, magtatanong muna sya ng "mama, is it ok to do this?"

[acespino2000]

ingat kayo sa psychological effect when the kid grows up...

i myself is a product of traditional discipline...super kulit ko na literally tinataktak ako ng tatay ko patuwad...pag mababa grades...palo ng yantok ang inaabot

but in the end, ala din epek hehehe

our generation now applies what we feel is right plus some of the traditional discipline we experienced.

personally, ayoko namamalo and kahit super kulit talaga 2kids ko (isang 6yrs and isang 5yrs ), i'd rather have them stand up in the corner for 30mins hehehe

some tips
1) husband and wife should agree on the kind of discipline approriate for their kids...never argue or be an "attorney" for your kids...especially in front of the kids...this undermines your partner's authority

2) never discipline your child in public -- give them the respect they deserve

3) after each disciplinary action -- always explain the rationality behind it

:D

[running_kat]

My siblings and I were spanked as children. Pero okey naman kami lumaki. After kami pinapalo, our parents especially my father would hug, kiss us and EXPLAIN why. He would let us know that it doesn't mean na hindi nya kami love. Time out? I dont believe time out works. Last week *** may HS kids na nagdala ng guns sa school dito. A child should know na meron such thing as consequence sa lahat ng kanyang action.