explaining adultery to 3-yr-old

[niniane]

last monday night shouts erupted from my brother and sister-in-law's bedroom. we rushed in and found out that he had confessed he was having an affair with a coworker. my sister-in-law was hysterical and slapping him. and on the bed watching the whole scene was their 3-year-old daughter, my pamangkin.

since then, the little girl's behavior changed radically. usually a sassy, cheerful child, she walks around the house like a ghost. she has refused to sleep in her parents' room since the incident, preferring to stay with me or her lola, and frequently wakes up crying in the middle of the night. she says things like "papa doesn't love me anymore". she is constantly begging to be carried and cries when set down.

i am at a loss on how to deal with this situation and, frankly, it breaks my heart to watch this happening to her. can anyone advice us on how to talk to her, how best to behave to help her deal with this situation? it's frightening to think that this might scar her for life.

[freakster2k1]

to solve the problem of ur neice, u have to speak to her parents. Tell them that they owe it to the kid; it is their duty to do so... that to give the kid extra attention. What was so insensitive is the opened the topic of affairs infront of a 3 yr old kid. They owe it not only because they are the PARENTS but they owe it because they made thier 3 yr old innocent baby lose her childhood. I can relate to that. I found out about my father's affair when i was about 4. It torn me apart. Now, at 23 ive been living along since i was 17. Ive dont it all. My parents threw me here in canada instead of giving me attention. I turned out ok. but a lot wont. U should talk to her parents, and tell them hey. both of u a f uck ed up. Dont f ucked the kid too.

[Dina_DJ]

I think the kid was more freaked out by the slapping. I don't think explaining adultery to a 3-year old will help much --- it's a bit much for a toddler to grasp. Maybe when he gets older --- but, hopefully, the parents would have resolved things by then.

[Ice Burn]

The kid has no idea about the adultery part. What she needs to be shed light on was the violence.

Don't try to explain adultery to a 3 year old. She can't grasp the concept. All she knows is mommy and daddy hurt each other.

Just try to make your niece happy for the meantime...

[name]

I guess the parents should talk to the kid and explain that they got into a big fight and that they are sorry for what happened. They should also explain that the physical violence was wrong.

Kawawa naman pamangkin mo. :(

[DELISYUS]

i don't think it's the concept of adultery that she has to know.....and she obviously do not yet have the faculties to fully grasp it.....

where is her mother? where is her father? they were the ones she saw fighting......they were the ones who traumatized her if ever....and so, they are the ones who must assure her that she is still loved......

chances are......when she saw her mother hurting, she projected the rejection and pain unto herself...which leads her into saying that her dad doesn't love her anymore....

and you guys..........support her.....try as much as you can not to destroy, change or interrupt her routine....ask her how she feels....let her cry........teach her new things or help her develop new interests.....

but still.........i am sorry to say that it's her parents that she really needs the assurance from.......

oh yeah.........pray with her.........:)

[tin28]

kawawa naman pamangkin mo,
im not yet a parent nor am i married but i've always had this thought in my mind:
Number one rule of parenting : NEVER FIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR KID!!!...just imagine the trauma they caused on the kid with what they did...u could always explain the adultery angle of the situation later on when she grows up to be able to understand it, u could always avoid the situation where she asks kung anong nangyari bakit nagkakagulo parents nya but u can never avoid the situation where she asks kung bakit nagkasakitan yung mga magulang nya, explain it to her in a way na di sasagi sa isip nya na di na mahal ng parents nya ang isat isa, na mahal pa rin sya ng magulang nya no matter whats going on...

[ate germs]

naremember ko tuloy *** pamangkin ko din na 3 y.o. sa harap mismo nya e inumpog ng papa nya ang sis ko na buntis. t a r a n t a d o talaga ang lalaking un. tapos *** pamangkin ko, kahit ganun kabata, umiiyak, parang nararamdaman nya yung nararamdaman ng mami nya. tapos nagpunta sya sa kitchen. kumuha ng tubig at binigay sa mami nya. *** lalaki pa ang may ganang magalit e sya na nga ang nambababae.